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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some college graduates want to complete the programs of other
majors
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besides
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 the main.
However
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, others argue that focusing on the first major is more important and students should give all their attention and time to get a diploma. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my own view about
this
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 statement. Many students want to finish not only the main subject but
also
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 other disciplines. If undergraduates can handle the primary subject , studying other
majors
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 is a good decision in the modern progressive days.
Knowledge
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 about the other spheres can help to easily change the profession in terms of various difficulties , or opportunities to get career growth.
For example
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, currently, many big companies prefer workers with various skills
such
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 as communication, teamwork, social and even physical abilities. So the additional
knowledge
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 or abilities would not affect ,
in contrast
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 , will yield many benefits .
However
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, I believe that professions like doctors which take responsibility should
focus
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 on their main program. The training of medicine is already difficult and every detail is important. Because in medicine small mistakes could lead to crucial consequences.
Moreover
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, modern doctors' income is big enough and the future of
this
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 job is safe from automation and being exchanged by technology
such
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 as AI and robots.
As a result
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, there is no point in other
knowledge
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. The
majors
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 with large responsibilities it is important to
focus
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 on their primary discipline. In conclusion, some university graduates prefer to learn other subjects
as well as
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 the main ones. Others argue that it is more important to
focus
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 and give attention to the first profession. I think that extra
knowledge
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 can positively affect a career ,
however
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,
majors
Use synonyms
 like doctors should
focus
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 on their fundamental subjects because they take a big responsibility and every detail is important to avoid mistakes.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity and flow. You can improve logical structure by linking ideas more explicitly.
task achievement
While you discuss the opinions well, make sure to explain them in a bit more depth for completeness. Adding more examples will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
content
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize your views on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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