‏Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closue of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In recent times shopping has become an essential thing in
people
's lives. It is a highly debatable issue whether supermarkets are more important, or whether small
shopes
are better for
people
. From my perspective, I agree that local businesses are helpful for individuals.
This
essay will outline the benefits of small
shopes
in any country. ‎‏Small
shopes
play a vital role in investing
time
. It can empower
people
to buy their needs without spending a lot of
time
at a distance.
For example
, the result of conducting research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of
people
prefer going to small
shopes
due to
the
time
.
Therefore
, it facilitates
people
's shopping.
Furthermore
, exposing
people
to small shops
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
potentially leads to low prices.
For example
, my friend Fatma enjoys shopping in small stores as she spends less money compared to the supermarkets. ‎‏Big Supermarkets require transportation
due to
long distances. Not all
people
have a vehicle or license. If
people
don't find a car, they will probably be used to purchase it from small shops. A good example here is
people
who live in rural areas. They face difficulties in reaching to far place for shopping.
Moreover
, small shops are able to increase the economy of the country by creating jobs and increasing local business. To illustrate,
people
are able to work as sheper or delivery.
As a result
,
this
can improve the standards of living and reduce unemployment. ‎‏In conclusion, shopping from local shapes is crucial for the individual.
Therefore
, big market the idea of should be stopped. I think that it helps
people
to save
time
and money. The government should encourage
people
to open more small
shopes
in each area.
Submitted by 13570581 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of arguments by ensuring that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Provide more varied and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will help in creating a more compelling response to the task.
task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are fully developed. Some points would benefit from further explanation or exploration.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the arguments well. You've stated your position clearly in both sections.
task achievement
You address the prompt directly, discussing both the advantages of local shops and challenges posed by big supermarkets, which fulfills the task requirement.
task achievement
The essay presents some interesting insights into why local shops are beneficial, such as convenience and economic benefits for local communities.

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