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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In
this
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 modern world,
crime
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 is at its peak. Some individuals reckon that
crime
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 is happening
due to
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 social issues
such
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 as lack of money, and depression and others think that
crime
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 is totally dependent on a
person
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's bad nature
however
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, I think it depends on a
person
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 how he thinks towards the problems and their solutions.
This
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 essay will shed light on both sides in upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the offence is increasing day by day
due to
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 social behaviours. These days
people
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 don't think about what they are saying, writing and posting on social media and they are violent and approach everything aggressively. To illustrate, daily newspapers are full of headlines like,
people
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 fighting on social media
due to
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 their personal grudges. In
this
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 way, they just got false information which leads to more aggression.
Moreover
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, poverty is the main cause because
people
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 want to be rich in a day so for that they are trying to short cut
such
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 as robbery, murder for materialistic things, knife
crime
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 for snatching and many more.
On the other hand
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, it depends on the nature of how
people
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 behave because no one can change a
person
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's external thinking. It totally depends on a
person
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 how
approaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
approach
show examples
 turmoil in their lives.
For instance
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, a
person
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 who has been a criminal mind since childhood
,
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apply
show examples
 can do anything for their surviving in their teenage. It is personal thinking to carry that thing along their whole life.
Also
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, if someone wants to live life with that attitude no one can do anything in
this
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 case.
To sum up
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,
Although
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 both are responsible for
crime
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 social behaviour issues
as well as
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 a
person
Use synonyms
's thinking I think it mostly depends on someone how they tackle their problems and choose wisely to decide what they want to be

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that points are logically ordered and connected.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your statements, which in return will strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets the stage for discussing both views and expresses your opinion.
complete response
The essay attempts to discuss both views on the topic, showing a balanced perspective.
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