IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #crime #poverty #person #nature
In
this
 modern world,
crime
 is at its peak. Some individuals reckon that
crime
 is happening
due to
 social issues
such
 as lack of money, and depression and others think that
crime
 is totally dependent on a
person
's bad nature
however
, I think it depends on a
person
 how he thinks towards the problems and their solutions.
This
 essay will shed light on both sides in upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the offence is increasing day by day
due to
 social behaviours. These days
people
 don't think about what they are saying, writing and posting on social media and they are violent and approach everything aggressively. To illustrate, daily newspapers are full of headlines like,
people
 fighting on social media
due to
 their personal grudges. In
this
 way, they just got false information which leads to more aggression.
Moreover
, poverty is the main cause because
people
 want to be rich in a day so for that they are trying to short cut
such
 as robbery, murder for materialistic things, knife
crime
 for snatching and many more.
On the other hand
, it depends on the nature of how
people
 behave because no one can change a
person
's external thinking. It totally depends on a
person
 how
approaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
approach
show examples
 turmoil in their lives.
For instance
, a
person
 who has been a criminal mind since childhood
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can do anything for their surviving in their teenage. It is personal thinking to carry that thing along their whole life.
Also
, if someone wants to live life with that attitude no one can do anything in
this
 case.
To sum up
,
Although
 both are responsible for
crime
 social behaviour issues
as well as
 a
person
's thinking I think it mostly depends on someone how they tackle their problems and choose wisely to decide what they want to be
Submitted by jasvir1012kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that points are logically ordered and connected.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your statements, which in return will strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets the stage for discussing both views and expresses your opinion.
complete response
The essay attempts to discuss both views on the topic, showing a balanced perspective.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: