MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS/HER OWN HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. OTHERS THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT. -DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

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Health
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-related issues are increasing
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
, which
give
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gives
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rise to
hotly
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hot
show examples
debate
Wrong verb form
debated
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whether
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about whether
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individual
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an individual
the individual
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is responsible for his/her unhealthy
lifestyle
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or whether
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government
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the government
show examples
should take care of it. In my opinion, I believe that primarily humans are responsible for their own
health
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.
However
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, I do concede that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
plays
important
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an important
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role
to mold
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in molding
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it.
To begin
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with,
health
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-related problems of
indiviuals
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individuals
individual
mainly
dependent
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depend
show examples
on
them
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apply
show examples
: whether they follow
healthy
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a healthy
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diet or not. The
food
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which
people
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eats
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eat
show examples
,
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apply
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has a myriad of
effect
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effects
show examples
on our
lifestyle
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. If we consume more carbohydrates containing edible
food
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, it may
causes
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cause
show examples
obesity which is
root
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the root
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of many
heath-related
Correct your spelling
health-related
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complications. And even
more
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more,
show examples
consumption
sugar
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of sugar
show examples
may cause
flucctuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
of sugar
level
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levels
show examples
in
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the patient
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patient
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patients
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.
People
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should be more
concern
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concerned
show examples
about the
food
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that they prefer to eat. The latest advancement in cuisine and junk
food
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target
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targets
show examples
children
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children's
show examples
health
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with
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to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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greater extent.
For example
Linking Words
, research conducted by the newspaper "The Times of India"
demostrates
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children who
prefers
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prefer
show examples
to consume junk
food
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daily
,
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apply
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
less cognitive development and critical understanding.
Thus
Linking Words
, the way we eat
food
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has negative effects on humans mental and physical
health
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, daily exercise and physical work
reduces
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reduce
show examples
chance
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the chance
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to get
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of getting
show examples
ill and improve
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lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
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of
individual
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the individual
an individual
show examples
. A human is responsible for his or her daily routine, and whether follows
routine
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a routine
show examples
physical
workout
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or not. Physical
Workout
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helps
human
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the human
show examples
body to get rid of foreign and dangerous
sustances
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substances
through sweat
,
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apply
show examples
and even
reduces
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reduce
show examples
the excess
of
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apply
show examples
fat through
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a pore
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pore
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pores
show examples
on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
skin. It is evident that excessive obesity
on
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in
show examples
Use synonyms
people
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people's
show examples
body
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bodies
show examples
can be removed just by physical
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workout
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workouts
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, foreign and
determental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
elements can be removed by
follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
Add an article
a heathy
the heathy
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heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
routine.
However
Linking Words
, I do concede that
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
can develop various means like testing
food
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and providing free
gym
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gyms
show examples
to encourage
people
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to follow
salubrous
Correct word choice
a sedentary
show examples
routine. Nowadays frozen
food
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consumption become quotidian.
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Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
can set different measures to
esure
Correct your spelling
ensure
food
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quality. If
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
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goverment is
goverment was
show examples
reluctant to set measures, it may cause severe
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
issues.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should provide
free
Correct article usage
a free
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gymnasium to
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
people
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for daily
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workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
. But it is
contigent
Correct your spelling
contingent
on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
whether they eat nutrient reach
food
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or do daily
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workout
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workouts
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
government
Use synonyms
plays
Correct article usage
a vitial
show examples
vitial
Correct your spelling
vital
role in
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, humans are responsible for their own
health
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. In conclusion, despite
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
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government's
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role,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
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dependents
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depends
show examples
upon human choices for daily routine.
Use synonyms
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
can disseminate awareness to make
Add an article
a citizen
show examples
citizen
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citizens
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of
country
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a country
the country
show examples
more healthy and seize those
food
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companies who
does
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do
show examples
not satisfy
criteria
Correct article usage
the criteria
show examples
.
Submitted by sangeetakamboz on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving clarity and reducing repetition. Refining your sentences can help convey ideas more clearly and succinctly.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which showcases your ability to address the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present and summarize the main ideas of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • individual responsibility
  • personal accountability
  • self-discipline
  • public health
  • government intervention
  • infrastructure
  • educational campaigns
  • self-monitoring technologies
  • collective action
  • epidemics
  • food safety
  • industrial pollution
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