IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #schools #students #money
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Financial education should be added as a compulsory lecture because it is necessary to make it part of the curriculum in school. From my perspective, I totally agree with the belief that teaching
people
, particularly young
people
, about finance gives them many
skills
,
such
 as the
empowerment
 to control money,
as well as
 gives them experiences about life
skills
.
This
 essay will explain some reasons behind
this
 situation. To start with,
empowerment
 in financial education is crucial in controlling money.
In other words
, several
people
 find themselves in financial fields, which are in need of these lectures in schools to assist them in the future to control their money
as well as
 prevent any errors that could happen.
Additionally
, it gives them the right knowledge to set their own goals and aims at a young age.
For example
, in recent days, many
people
, especially teens of their age, have their own businesses
due to
 the
empowerment
 in finance, which gives them the ability to control their own stores and their earnings as well.
In addition
, understanding the foundational system at schools plays a vital role in enhancing their life
skills
 and experiences;
however
, these
skills
 include savings, investing, budgeting, and so on.
Moreover
, these
skills
 are critical in making decisions and give them the chance to improve their thinking in resolving any problem they face.
For instance
, in a school financial education program, students learn about budgeting by managing a pretend budget of $100 for a month. In conclusion, mandatory subjects should be added for many reasons; it helps them to improve their life
skills
 in many ways
as well as
 gives them
empowerment
 in their fields to avoid any errors that could happen.
Submitted by talahakoura27 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs by starting with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next for greater clarity and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which supports the overall structure.
Task Achievement
You've effectively addressed the task by discussing both the financial empowerment and life skills gained from financial education.
Task Achievement
The ideas you presented are relevant and support your viewpoint on making financial education mandatory in schools.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
What to do next:
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