Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There has been contentious debate on the effective methods of improving public
health
.
While
,
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apply
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one school of thought asserts that
sport
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sports
show examples
centres indulge positive
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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others believe that it needs to be supported by other preventive measures.
This
essay will examine both perspectives before presenting a clear viewpoint.
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
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is undeniable that
facilites
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facilities
such
as gyms, outdoor courts or swimming pools can significantly
influences
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influence
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one's
health
. These
sport
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sports
show examples
venues encourage individuals to participate in distinctive physical activities which could improve physics, heart
health
,
stamina
Correct word choice
and stamina
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and
strengthens
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthen
show examples
muscles and bones. A prime example of physical and mental
wellbeing
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well-being
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can be seen in people who attend regular Yoga classes. Recently in a newspaper,
an elder women
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elder women
an elder woman
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aged 98
got
Verb problem
was
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interviewed
who
Correct word choice
and
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provided sheer credit to the fitness classes for her
wellbeing
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well-being
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.
Nevertheless
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Nevertheless,
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some refute
this
claim, claiming that the human body
not
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does not
did not
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merely rely on physical fitness and that a balanced
diet
is required as well.
Proponet
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Proponents
of
this
view assert that choosing healthy food options
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
viable for
well-conditioned
Correct article usage
a well-conditioned
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body.
For example
, if a person is
fully-concentrated
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fully concentrated
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on exercising without the proper intake of
Correct article usage
a nutritioned
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nutritioned
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nutrition
nutritional
diet
it could be complex
maintaining
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to maintain
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robust
health
. As far as my opinion is concerned, the combination of both
Correct article usage
a nutritioned
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nutritioned
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nutrition
nutritional
diet
and
fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
show examples
routine is compulsory. In conclusion,
while
there are differing views on what method is appropriate for
sound
Correct article usage
a sound
show examples
body- some
emphasixing
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emphasizing
emphasising
innate complete workout and others focusing on
Correct article usage
a banaced
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banaced
Correct your spelling
balanced
diet
as well- I believe that these factors are not mutually exclusive.
Instead
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Instead,
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they are complementary drivers that work hand in hand.
Submitted by navsukhrai5319 on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide a clear introduction that directly addresses the essay question. While your introduction covers both views, it could be more specific about the stance you will take in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly. This will help improve the overall coherence and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure all points are well-supported with relevant examples. Consider adding more elaboration or evidence to substantiate your claims, particularly in the paragraph discussing the ineffectiveness of sports facilities alone.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both perspectives on the topic, which shows a clear understanding of the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a clear opinion, which is crucial for achieving a high score in cohesion and coherence.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the elderly woman attributing her wellbeing to fitness classes, adds depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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