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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#adults #sports #area #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the information about how many
people
Use synonyms
participate
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
 in seven types of
sports
Use synonyms
 in 1997 and 2017
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that Tennis was the most interesting
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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 in both years ,
whereas
Linking Words
 In 1997, Around 50,000
people
Use synonyms
 showed interest in Tennis,which is the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of all
sports
Use synonyms
.The other
sports
Use synonyms
 ,which were swimming,golf, rugby and football had approximately the same
number
Use synonyms
 of adults at around
above
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30,000.Followed closely by Cricket which was 25,000 and the least participated sport was basketball at below 10,000. In 2017,Tennis had more
people
Use synonyms
 participating than in 1997 and still had the highest
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 which was 55,000.
Although
Linking Words
Football
Change preposition
in Football
show examples
 and Rugby the
number
Use synonyms
 of adults increased to below 50,000,Golf and swimming had the same
number
Use synonyms
 of adults at above 30,000.The rest were Cricket
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decreased to 8,000
whereas
Linking Words
 basketball seemed to
had
Change the verb
have
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 at 22,000.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sports, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • increase/decrease in numbers
  • trend
  • decade
  • relatively stable
  • major sports
  • potential reasons
  • contributing factors
  • public interest
  • comparison
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