Some people think that students should play more team sports, such as football and volleyball, rather than individual sports, such as running and swimming. Do you agree?

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Youngsters are often encouraged to take part in
sports
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;
however
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, some people believe that children should solely play group
sports
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like basketball and football and avoid
activities
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such
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as swimming and running. I do not agree with the above notion and argue that every kind of sport supports personality development but in different ways. There are several benefits associated with in participating
team
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sports
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.
Firstly
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, engaging in any sport as a
team
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pushes pupils to develop many life skills
such
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as companionship and teamwork. When an individual plays in a group of 5 or 10, they will not only get pressure to better perform but
also
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realize the importance of their
team
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members. To take an example, in India, cricket is a famous sport among youngsters and many of them like to play
this
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with friends rather than watch television.These
activities
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encourage values like sportsmanship
spirit
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and spirit
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and
hence
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, help to develop emotional connections and a strong foundation of friendship between peers.
On the other hand
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, skipping individual
activities
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such
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as running and swimming for
team
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sports
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is not the right step. Fostering these exercises would deter children's interest in the
activities
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they are particularly interested in.
However
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,
such
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physical
activities
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should be promoted as it could not only help in eliminating many life-threatening diseases like obesity but
also
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help to build stamina at an early age.
Therefore
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, promoting and introducing a variety of
sports
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among individuals is a necessity. In conclusion,
although
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taking part in
team
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activities
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supports sportsmanship, one should not neglect their individual interest. I strongly opine that society should encourage their young ones to take part in every activity for fun and enjoyment.
Submitted by sanakalsi3736 on

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task achievement
For a higher score, ensure more precise and varied vocabulary. Your essay is clear, but slightly more complex sentence structures and less repetition would elevate your writing.
task achievement
Consider varying your examples. The essay could benefit from another concrete example that supports your argument about individual sports, similar to how you mentioned cricket for team sports.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. This will make your essay more cohesive and will strengthen the logical flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and gives an overview of what your essay will discuss. This sets a strong foundation.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with each body paragraph focusing on a distinct point that supports your main argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of cricket in India.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, providing a clear ending to your essay.
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