Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Technology
has been significantly developed over the past decades.These days technology
can keep track of people
’s activities.There is an inconclusive debate as to whether or not being monitored is beneficial to people
.From my point of view,There are more advantages compared to disadvantages.In the following paragraphs,the reasons will be outlined in detail.
To begin
with,Lacking of privacy is the main problem.In this
democratic world,people
always make demands for their rights.The idea of being monitored violates individuals’ privacy.Also
,citizens are scared that their own information will be used by unlawful occupation.Additionally
,From the consumer's perspective, the algorithm seems to always pop up the product according to
our desire so that our money is being utilized more easily than before.
On the contrary
,the opposing side argues that if people
have nothing to cover,there will not be anything to be afraid of.Thus
,as long as the data of our privacy is in the hands of authorized persons without leaking,citizens should be safer because governments can keep an eye on terrorists and prevent them before they turn into catastrophic events.Moreover
,From an employer's viewpoint,with this
technology
, they can gain incentives more easily by promoting their products to precise groups.Additionally
,individuals must feel more interested since the data will appear based on our attention without wasting time on something that does not match our interests.
In summary,the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.People
's lives must be more secure than before with the aid of technology
.That is
to say,If we have nothing to hide,we should not be afraid of being monitored as long as the governments can protect our data.Submitted by chawanat.pla on
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will help to substantiate your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You could use more connective devices between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, make sure there is a clear statement of your position. This will help in setting the tone for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic, with clear arguments supporting your viewpoint that the advantages of monitoring outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, providing a strong end to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct sections for the introduction, main points, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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