Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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While
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it is a common belief that spending on public
roads
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can work out
traffic
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issues, many
people
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argue that there are better alternatives.
Although
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strict law enforcement or raising awareness can tackle driver violations, I strongly agree that the government's investment is the most effective method.
Along with
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automatically motivating
people
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to follow regulations like other solutions, it can upgrade facilities for increasing vehicles. It is inevitable that improvements in urban infrastructure can help prepare for future over-crowded
traffic
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participants.
In other words
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, current
traffic
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is just conditional for presently active
transportations
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transportation
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, but the population will soon grow and dominate today's streets and pavements. If the authority invests in expanding
roads
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or refurbishing ways for the passers-by, they will always be able to host enough participants and their bikes or cars.
Hence
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,
this
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way solves not only the current dilemmas but
also
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the over-abundant number of drivers in the future.
In contrast
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, many
people
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think that allocating a budget to upgrade facilities is not the best solution. A prime alternative method is to raise the level of punishments for each violation like how Vietnam has recently applied and reduced deaths on
roads
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.
However
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,
this
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is not optimal because many Vietnamese
people
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are required to get a financial penalty that doubles their typical salary, which causes them to irresponsibly run away when crashing others to avoid fines. Another suggested way is to call for citizens to follow rules, but
this
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needs a lengthy time to make every participant
be
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apply
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aware. If the authorities just improve
roads
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and let drivers go more comfortably, they will unlikely violate the law like going on the pavements for walkers anymore. In conclusion, I believe that spending money on infrastructure is the best solution because it helps tackle both present and future
traffic
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problems. Irrespective of positive law enforcement, other methods still offer disadvantages.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and develops your argument well. However, expanding on your examples and providing more specific details could strengthen your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay generally has a logical structure, introducing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph can enhance the flow and coherence of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You might want to refine some of your language to improve clarity. Some sentences are a bit complex which might confuse readers at first glance. Simplifying them could help convey your ideas better.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines your main argument and sets the stage for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your perspective, reinforcing your argument and providing a clear closing to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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