IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that countries should produce food for the whole population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #food #population #import
There is no doubt that
food
 is a fundamental need of a nation.
However
, there are several countries that conduct massive
import
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imports
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 of
foods
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food
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 from
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
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. I have a balanced view regarding
this
 issue. Not all
variety
Fix the agreement mistake
varieties
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 of
food
 can be produced in a particular nation even though there is a significant demand from society.
Therefore
, the things that can be done by the
government
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 by looking at the export-import data before formulating any decisions.
For instance
, in Indonesia, there is a high demand
of
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for
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 noodles, and one of the raw materials to produce dry noodles is wheat, henceforth, the Indonesian
government
 should import the material from the producing country
such
 as Russia.
On the other hand
, there are several basic crops that can be planted in a country to ensure its
food
 security.
For example
, in Indonesia, most of the dishes are made of rice or cassava,
therefore
, ensuring the continuous supply of these crops allows Indonesia to achieve its Zero Hunger mission.
Furthermore
, If the
government
 wants to be independent and ensure the sustainability of
food
 supplies, it is required to conduct multiple research on
plants
 that
suitable
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are suitable
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 to the nation's climate. A good case in point is that the Indonesian
government
 can decide to invest heavily
on
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in
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 productive
plants
 that
suitable
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are suitable
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to
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for
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 rainy and dry seasons
such
 as pineapple, potatoes, and cassava.
Consequently
,
this
 investment will deliver post-harvest continuous supplies of these
plants
. At its core, the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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 processes rely heavily on the type of
plants
 and the society's demand,
hence
, whatever kind of decision the
government
made
Wrong verb form
makes
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 must deliver
highest
Change the article
the highest
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 satisfaction to its people.
Submitted by manapapuja2 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout. While your main points are generally well-supported, some improvement in cohesion will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully to provide a deeper analysis and stronger justification for your points. Consider exploring the implications of your arguments in more detail to achieve a thorough response to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument nicely.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples that effectively illustrate your points, such as the situation in Indonesia regarding wheat importation and local crop cultivation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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