Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school.

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
good
role
models
of
athletes
for young
people
. It is undeniable that sport has become an essential part of our life.
However
, the debate around whether they make good
role
models
is complex, with valid arguments on both sides. A commonly held belief is that professional
athletes
can inspire young
people
with their hard work and discipline. Achievement in sports requires dedication, years of training and power of will.
For example
,
athletes
like Cristiano Ronaldo have displayed outstanding dedication to their craft, showing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
the importance of passion and practice.
Furthermore
,
athletes
like Nurbek Oralbai promote equality and speak up about mental health
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
that success can be paired with social responsibility, making them positive
role
models
beyond sports.
On the other hand
, some
people
claim that professional
athletes
are not always ideal
role
models
due to
certain negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
that can overshadow their achievements.
For example
, when
athletes
act unfairly or focus more on fame and money than on the love of the game, they may send the wrong message about sportsmanship.
Also
, the pressure to win at all costs can lead some
athletes
to adopt unhealthy habits that young fans might try to copy. In conclusion, whether
athletes
are good
role
models
depends mostly on their actions and values. Many
athletes
inspire others, but some may set a poor example. It is up to young
people
, parents, and society to choose which qualities to follow, focusing on
athletes
who show hard work, determination, and honesty.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Adding linking words or phrases can enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Further elaborate on specific examples or include a variety of examples to enrich your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context, and the conclusion provides a concise summary, effectively encapsulating the main points discussed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: