Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals think that spending more funds
for
old Change preposition
on
people
in each country
is necessary, but the other group believe that the government
should focus on the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
's education
more than other ages. In the following paragraphs, both sides will be discussed with
my personal point of view.
spending money for Change preposition
from
people
who are more than 60 years old is important. Old people
who built their country
, they
spent their ages making the best life for us , so they have the right to get interested from the Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
. To clarify, there is no future
without the past. In addition
, elderly people
have a huge experience, hence
they transfer their knowledge to young people
. All these make our modern days better than before. The prime example, Omani
Add a missing verb
is Omani
people
who studied under trees in the past are the same employees who became teachers and doctors today.
Focusing on the young's education
is so important. When the government
increases its interest in young
Correct article usage
the young
this
means it thinks of a better future
. To explain, the future
is making
by the young Wrong verb form
made
people
. If a country
able to give them the appropriate qualifications and good Add a verb
country is
country was
education
, it will be able to create a successful future
. despite of
Change preposition
apply
this
, this
does not mean that less care for old people
. For instance
, In China, Correct article usage
the govrnments
govrnments
Correct your spelling
government
Add a missing verb
is abled
abled
to Correct your spelling
able
creat
Correct your spelling
create
most
Correct article usage
the most
progress
Replace the word
progressive
country
in the word
when it dovelope school Correct your spelling
world
subject
and the Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
curreculm
.
Correct your spelling
curriculum
To conclude
, some people
think that the government
have to spend money on old people
, while
others believe that the government
should spend money on young people
and their education
. I believe that the government
should balance between
all ages. we have to care Change preposition
apply
of
old Change preposition
for
people
and respect them, at the same time we should care for students and try as much as we can to develop them by using old people
's advances.Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on
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Content Development
Ensure to develop your main points with sufficient supporting details and examples.
Grammar and Spelling
Pay attention to grammar and spelling accuracy. For example, 'govrnments' should be 'governments', and 'curreculm' should be 'curriculum'.
Clarity
It would be beneficial to clarify your points more clearly and distinctly; some arguments are a bit vague.
Consistency
Try to maintain a consistent style and tone throughout the essay for coherence.
Linking words usage
Use linking words more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence.
Introduction Structure
The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and states your plan to discuss them.
Conclusion Structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and presents a balanced view.
Balanced Discussion
Good attempt to present both sides of the argument which adds depth to your discussion.
Personal Opinion Expression
A clear effort is made to express a personal opinion which adds a personal touch to the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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