Some people say that the government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals think that spending more funds
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
old
people
in each
country
is necessary, but the other group believe that the
government
should focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
's
education
more than other ages. In the following paragraphs, both sides will be discussed
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
my personal point of view. spending money for
people
who are more than 60 years old is important. Old
people
who built their
country
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent their ages making the best life for us , so they have the right to get interested from the
government
. To clarify, there is no
future
without the past.
In addition
, elderly
people
have a huge experience,
hence
they transfer their knowledge to young
people
. All these make our modern days better than before. The prime example,
Omani
Add a missing verb
is Omani
show examples
people
who studied under trees in the past are the same employees who became teachers and doctors today. Focusing on the young's
education
is so important. When the
government
increases its interest in
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
this
means it thinks of a better
future
. To explain, the
future
is
making
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
by the young
people
. If a
country
Add a verb
country is
country was
show examples
able to give them the appropriate qualifications and good
education
, it will be able to create a successful
future
. despite
of
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apply
show examples
this
,
this
does not mean that less care for old
people
.
For instance
, In China,
Correct article usage
the govrnments
show examples
govrnments
Correct your spelling
government
Add a missing verb
is abled
show examples
abled
Correct your spelling
able
show examples
to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
progress
Replace the word
progressive
show examples
country
in the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
when it dovelope school
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
and the
curreculm
Correct your spelling
curriculum
.
To conclude
, some
people
think that the
government
have to spend money on old
people
,
while
others believe that the
government
should spend money on young
people
and their
education
. I believe that the
government
should balance
between
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apply
show examples
all ages. we have to care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
old
people
and respect them, at the same time we should care for students and try as much as we can to develop them by using old
people
's advances.
Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on

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Content Development
Ensure to develop your main points with sufficient supporting details and examples.
Grammar and Spelling
Pay attention to grammar and spelling accuracy. For example, 'govrnments' should be 'governments', and 'curreculm' should be 'curriculum'.
Clarity
It would be beneficial to clarify your points more clearly and distinctly; some arguments are a bit vague.
Consistency
Try to maintain a consistent style and tone throughout the essay for coherence.
Linking words usage
Use linking words more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence.
Introduction Structure
The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and states your plan to discuss them.
Conclusion Structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and presents a balanced view.
Balanced Discussion
Good attempt to present both sides of the argument which adds depth to your discussion.
Personal Opinion Expression
A clear effort is made to express a personal opinion which adds a personal touch to the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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