The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time what are the causes of this continue rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Nowadays,the
number
of population in the world is increasing exponentially.That is
to say,this
causes
problems
for mankind.In the following paragraphs,causes
and effects will be discussed in detail.
There are mainly two sources causing this
.Firstly
,the mortality rate
is facing a dramatic downward trend due to
the advancement of medical knowledge.Diseases that tend to be severe resulting in millions of human deaths in the past are no longer our concern.For instance
,many infectious diseases including tuberculosis,malaria and typhoid.Secondly
, the Birth
rate
is climbing up.As you can see in the previous two generations,people usually have more than ten offspring.Although
the birth
rate
is not substantially rising as before due to
financial problems
,it is still going up with the aid of technology such
as artificial insemination.
The increasing number
of people also
causes
problems
.In other words
,citizens in some countries have to face a scarcity of resources such
as water,food and other supplies.Also
,humans are the main causes
of multiple natural problems
such
as global warming,extinction of other wildlife species,pollution and deforestation.In simple terms, the number
of people corresponds with the number
of natural problems
.From my perspective,Even though this
is one of the problems
,it is not the greatest one.The real problem today is an aging society because the mortality rate
is reduced significantly but the birth
rate
is no longer increasing by the same percentage.
To summarize,the world's population is still rising.However
, the mortality and birth
rates are not corresponding causing the number
not to be the greatest problem.The aging
society is the one we should be concerned.Change the spelling
ageing
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coherence cohesion
While the essay provides an introduction and conclusion, consider linking the paragraphs more smoothly with connecting phrases or sentences to enhance flow.
task achievement
Although you present relevant causes and effects, try to incorporate more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument. This would improve the task achievement score.
task achievement
Addressing whether the population rise is indeed the greatest problem could be expanded further to show a balanced view, which can ‘agree’, ‘disagree’, or partially agree more explicitly with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically structured, presenting causes of population rise followed by their effects.
task achievement
You address the task by discussing causes and effects of the population rise, providing a reasonably balanced argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?