Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their career. Others feel it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

When choosing a
future
career, people generally tend to either consult those they are close to or make the choice themselves. Whilst both paths are equally valid, I am of firm belief that every
person
should decide on their own
future
without intervention, as their life is constructed of choices they make,
as well as
their deeds.
Firstly
, whatever career a
person
opts for is going to be their main field of study in the foreseeable
future
, meaning that if a wrong choice is made under pressure a
person
is likely to be unhappy long term.
For instance
, a friend of mine has succumbed to her father’s will and is now studying Journalism, which she has no interest in. Having to engage in
Journalism related
Correct your spelling
Journalism-related
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activities makes her miserable
due to
her true interest being Linguistics.
Secondly
, peer and parental pressure is oftentimes difficult to cope with. Not every
person
can find it in them to change their career after graduation from a higher education establishment. That may result in never finding out the extent of their potential in an area they are enthusiastic about. My mother can serve as an example of
such
a circumstance. Her childhood dream was to become a veterinarian, yet she was advised at first and forced by her parents later to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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in engineering. At
this
point in
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
she is 44 years old and is still pondering the thought of whether she would do good in the medical field or not. Both these examples highlight how a choice made under outsiders’ authority was the wrong one. In conclusion,
while
for some it may be fruitful to seek advice from their loved ones, friends and family alike, the final decision should be made independently in order to avoid getting into a situation that can lead to misery and regret in the
future
.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly distinguish between discussing the views and presenting your opinion, possibly by organizing paragraphs more distinctly.
Coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly links to the essay question, improving coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear opinion that aligns with the question prompt and directly addresses both viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Specific and relevant examples are provided, enhancing the argument and showing understanding of real-world implications.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • life experience
  • emotional support
  • practical guidance
  • personal growth
  • self-discovery
  • self-reliance
  • personal satisfaction
  • ownership
  • values and expectations
  • preferences and passions
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