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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the household composition in a North American country from 1970 and 2003. Summarize information and make comparison where relevant.

The table below shows the household composition in a North American country from 1970 and 2003. Summarize information and make comparison where relevant.
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The table chart illustrates the mix of
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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North America
with
Change preposition
in
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 the years
range
Verb problem
apply
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1970 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of married
Use synonyms
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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 led in 2 years.
While
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of non-family
household
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households
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 increased dramatically. In 1970 the arrangement of
mother
Add an article
a mother
the mother
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 with her
kid
Use synonyms
 was 9%.
Slightly
Correct article usage
A slightly
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less
Correct word choice
smaller
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 percentage had
father
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a father
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 with his
kid
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. The leader of
this
Linking Words
 year-married
couple
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 had approximately
two-third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
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 of
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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proportion
Use synonyms
. The lowest figure in
this
Linking Words
 year is room sharing. Just
for
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apply
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1% more had people who lived as a single. The 3% more than one-tenth had
member
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members
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 who shared a room. 2 indexes rose significantly in 2003. The opposite trend was with married
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couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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. More precisely the
proportion
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 of room sharing and single person jumped from 3% and 4% to 11% and 13% respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of married
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couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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 dropped exactly 20% and had 41% in 2003. The figures
such
Linking Words
 as mother with
kid
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 and father with
kid
Use synonyms
 added 1% to their performance which was in 1970.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words couple, proportion, kid with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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