Some people believe that most crime is a result of circumstances, e.g. poverty and other social problems. Others, however, believe most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of criminals in many countries, even if their national economy is growing.
Therefore
, people hold different views about the factors contributing to
crimes
. Some people believe that the soaring crime rates are related to circumstances, including poverty and other social problems. One main reason in favour of
this
view
is that the majority of offenders are indeed poor,
due to
socially disadvantaged backgrounds or lack of the ability to make a living.
Consequently
, they are forced to steal or rob in the case where their desires,
such
as decent clothes or exquisite meals, cannot be fulfilled by their own money.
Besides
, young convicts may be influenced by violent scenes in the media. Generally, the actors and their behaviours may be cool from their perspective, so they are unconsciously and adversely affected and even begin to imitate the actions in their real life, which are more prone to damage others and even break laws.
However
, the fact that some governors with power
Add the comma(s)
, as well as intelligence and managers with wealth,
show examples
as well as
intelligence and managers with wealth
also
violate laws denies the
view
above.
Hence
, some individuals think that genes dictate whether one commits
Correct article usage
a crimes
show examples
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
or not. In their
view
, the reason why the wealthy or clever commit
crimes
is that they are bad naturally.
This
means it is the traits that they inherited from their parents that decide their cruel behaviours.
However
, if
this
were true, we could predict a person’s personality or character from the moment they were born. In my
view
, it is the interaction of nature and nurture that shapes a person’s value and influences
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
one person will commit
crimes
or not.
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task achievement
Provide more balanced reasoning on each viewpoint. While the essay provides clear reasoning for both perspectives, further examples or statistics could strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain focus and consistency in your argument. While coherence is generally good, refining transitions could further enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the debate and introduces the two perspectives.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that summarizes the discussion effectively and provides the writer's own opinion.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views thoroughly, providing a well-rounded analysis.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly, with a relevant response to the task prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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