In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

#countries #childhood #obesity #individuals #governments

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It is well known that nowadays juveniles, especially in developed countries like the USA, have issues with extra weight. The prime reasons are poor diet at school and a small number of outdoor activities. In my opinion, governments should spend more money on food at schools,

whereas

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parents need to be role models for their

children

Use synonyms

Firstly

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, presently a lot of educational facilities prefer to use fast food,

such

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as burgers and pizzas.

Although

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they are usually cheap, they have a bad impact on

children

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's health.

This

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type of diet is especially popular in the USA. Not only does it contain no good vitamins that are vital for minors, but

also

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contributes to the problem of obesity.

Secondly

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children

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now spend far less time outside than in the past,

due to

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gadgets and pandemics.

Therefore

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, they do not take part in active sports, like hide and seek. These games are important for the proper development of a juvenile.

However

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, I believe that the public is still able to stop

this

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tendency.

For instance

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, officials can sponsor chefs that create modern menus. These diets should be both healthy and tasty, so minors would like to eat

this

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food without any arguments.

For example

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, in Ukraine a few years ago a renowned chef proposed a completely new menu. And presently it is used in almost all schools. But mothers and fathers

also

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ought to take part. They can become role models for their daughters and sons, doing more sports.

To conclude

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, the problem of childhood obesity is caused by poor diets at schools and the

overall

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development of society. To address

this

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issue local authorities must increase funds, whilst parents must play bigger roles in their

children

Use synonyms

's lives.

Submitted by leshchynser on Thu Oct 31 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Enhance logical flow by using a clearer paragraph structure. For example, explicitly dividing sections into paragraphs for causes and solutions might improve readability and logical coherence even further.

Task Achievement

Provide more detailed examples for the solutions proposed. For instance, explaining how parents can become role models in more practical terms might enhance the point made.

Task Achievement

You clearly address both aspects of the task: causes and solutions, delivering a complete response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing the essay well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity epidemic
calorie-dense foods
sedentary lifestyle
processed food
nutritional education
healthy eating habits
public health campaigns
regulation of advertising
recreational facilities
physical activity levels

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In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

Your opinion

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

You Are due to give a talk to you through about the danger of smoking, but you cannot now do so. Write a letter to the youth group leader, explain that you cannot come. Apologise for your absence. Suggest a new occasion.

You recently read an article in the newspaper about someone whom you know personally but have not heard from in a long time. You found that some of the information published was incorrect.