IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

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The most debatable argument revolves around whether
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction or a substantial salary
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
holds greater significance. Many people are allured by the higher wages.
However
Linking Words
, others advocate that a
job
Use synonyms
 ought to bring
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one's life. I personally believe that satisfaction in work should be valued more than hefty paycheques because it brings happiness and stabilises mental peace. To embark on, Money does not bring happiness. It is undeniable that money is crucial for maintaining a livelihood.
However
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, it does not guarantee the contentment it carries. To illustrate, Studies have consistently shown that individuals who derive meaning and enjoyment from their work experience have greater
overall
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 well-being and
job
Use synonyms
 performance. It not only helps in personal growth but
also
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 helps to find an alignment with moral values which results in a meaningful life.
Furthermore
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, mental stability is crucial for a human being. if not acquired the balance between personal and professional life has devastating results.
For instance
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, people who are employed in MNCs have great workloads, and
due to
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 that they are always exhausted and stressed.
As a consequence
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, their personal relationships have to face challenges because their unable to spend time with their families and friends which impacts their mental health.
Along with
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this
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, It has been seen that people go beyond their potential to attain a goal, and sometimes fail to achieve
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 outcome they feel depressed.
To Sum up
Linking Words
,
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction should not be undervalued by higher wages as it brings joy and a sense of fulfilment which has numerous
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 for individual growth.

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your main points.
task achievement
Review and fine-tune your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth and logical transitions between paragraphs for better readability.
task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear stance on the topic, effectively framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provide a well-structured argument with a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The conclusion succinctly sums up the essay, reaffirming your position on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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