Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I really, wholeheartedly, entirely agree that people who go to prison and change can talk to teenagers about crime. I think
this
Linking Words
idea is very strong because they know real life, real problems, and they can tell how bad it is. Teenagers listen better when a person speaks truth from experience, not from a book. People who go to prison may understand the mistake afterwards. They stay a long time alone, think about life, family, and what they do wrong. When they come out, they want to help others , not do the same. If they talk to teens in school or on TV, maybe teenagers can think before committing a crime.
For example
Linking Words
, one man who goes to prison for stealing can say, “I lost my family, my freedom, my job”,and that can make a big impact on a young mind.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
helps prisoners feel better because they do something good now. Some think
this
Linking Words
idea is not good. They believe prisoners do not trust, and maybe they say the wrong things. In the middle of
this
Linking Words
, we can say that sometimes they still do not change, or are afraid of them. A teenager may not respect them because of the past. It can make a problem, and maybe not all ex-prisoners are ready to talk. I genuinely, utterly believe that with control and choice, it can be positive. The government can make a system where only good and honest ex-prisoners can talk, and police or teachers stay with them.
While
Linking Words
it is true that some of them are not good examples,
it is clear that
Linking Words
these are outweighed by those who really change and want to save young people from crime.
This
Linking Words
way society can be better and more safe.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

strength
Your view is clear and you give a real example, which helps.
weakness
Some ideas are not fully developed. Add two or three more reasons and small facts.
technique
Use simple linking words to move from one idea to the next.
language
Some long sentences are hard to read. Break them into shorter parts.
content
Clear stance and follow through.
example
Good specific example that shows impact.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: