IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some former prisoners change and become respectable and honest members of the community. There is a common point of view that these individuals are the most appropriate
people
Use synonyms
 to talk to youngsters about the consequences of criminal behaviour. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 perception because
firstly
Linking Words
, in prison, these individuals have known
people
Use synonyms
 guilty of atrocities and have seen how they ended, so they can explain very well the
repercutions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after being in
jail
Use synonyms
 and given thoughts to their
actions
Use synonyms
, they should be able to explain that most
people
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 end up regretting them and feeling bad with them selfs.
Body paragraph 1
The first point is that in prison, these individuals have probably known
someone
Use synonyms
 guilty of crimes and seen how they ended. They have talked to many with different pasts and see how they all ended up in the same situation, in
jail
Use synonyms
. Because of that, they are ideal citizens to explain that committing felonies is very dangerous for your future.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a former prisoner has met
someone
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 who ended up in
jail
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 because he drove drunk and killed
someone
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 in an accident, he can well explain after that the terrible consequences of the
actions
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 we do without thinking.
Body paragraph 2
The second point is that their experience in confinement can help them show that many
people
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 ended up feeling guilty. Indeed, the former prisoners have had the wonderful opportunity to think about their
actions
Use synonyms
 and go back
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
good
Correct word choice
right
show examples
 path.
In addition
Linking Words
, talking to other prisoners has helped them even more
understand
Verb problem
to understand
show examples
 that many misdeeds are committed by mistake. With all
this
Linking Words
 experience, they are the perfect citizens to explain the results and consequences of committing a crime.
For example
Linking Words
,
someone
Use synonyms
 who has robbed a supermarket for fun with his friend and is now in
jail
Use synonyms
 for one year is a good person to explain how to avoid
actions
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 that you later regret.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I agree that after prison,
people
Use synonyms
 become good citizens and are the perfect persons to talk about the dangers of committing a crime
due to
Linking Words
 their experience and knowledge.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that former prisoners can be very good speakers, but they are not always the best choice. This will make your answer more fair and full.
task response
Explain why teenagers may listen to these people more than to teachers, parents, or police. This key point is needed because the question asks if they are the best people.
task response
Use examples that show change. For example, say how prison, loss of family time, or loss of work made a person stop doing crime.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines repeat the same point about bad results. Add a new point in each body part instead of saying again that crime is dangerous.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a more natural way: "First", "Also", "As a result", and "However". Do not begin too many lines with "For example" or "In addition".
coherence and cohesion
Make pronouns clear. Instead of "how they ended", write "how their lives changed after prison" so the reader knows who "they" means.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your view from the start.
task response
Your two main reasons are on topic: first-hand knowledge of crime and time to think about past acts.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a main idea and an example, so the reader can follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
The ending restates your main view and gives a clear close to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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