Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #music #form #entertainment #impact #society

There is ongoing debate about the role of

music

in society. Some individuals think that

music

is a simple way of amusement,

while

others claim that

music

has a great influence on the public. I back up the latter viewpoint since

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

pieces of art can evoke emotions in the person who acquiring it

as a result

identify their health state. On the one hand,

according to

some,

music

is just a superficial thing that entertains others as it does not obviously tackle global issues compared to science or politics.

This

is because artists dwell on simple things too much

such

as being stylish or attracting more attention

thus

showing their mediocre way of thinking about social values.

For example

, the majority of young musicians often perform their concerts in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

night clubs or parties, trying to cheer up their audience by serving as a clown.

Therefore

, many individuals accept the role of

music

unseriously, convincing

that

Correct quantifier usage

others that

show examples

music

is not able to address major problems.

On the other hand

Change the capitalization

show examples

am in favour of those who believe that nowadays

music

has a huge impact on the general public

due to

the fact that a lot of people obtain certain information from

music

that they used to listen to on a regular basis which shapes their mindset and opinion by affecting their mood. Recent research shows that certain types of

music

can evoke certain

hormones

Change the noun form

hormone

show examples

releases in the human body. if the public tends to listen to calm and joyless pieces of

music

, their chances of having good mental health will considerably rise, allowing them to release positive hormones

such

as endorphins and dopamines.

Overall

, what significantly affects people's health and psychology is

music

To sum up

although

thought that

music

is a superficial thing, support those who think that

music

is essential for shaping the general mindset, affecting in different ways regarding what kind of

music

individuals are likely to get.

Submitted by almirasartayeva on Thu Oct 31 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to explore both viewpoints with equal depth in order to fully address the prompt. The current response leans more towards one perspective, providing less balance.

coherence cohesion

While the essay is generally easy to follow, further organizing the paragraphs with clearer topic sentences would improve logical flow.

task achievement

Be more explicit in supporting ideas with examples. This would not only make your arguments more persuasive but also demonstrate a deeper level of analysis.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, showing an understanding of structured writing.

task achievement

You provide thoughtful insights into how music can affect individuals emotionally and impact society.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some cities have vehicle-free days when private cars, trucks, and motorcycles are banned from the city center. Public transportation like buses, taxis, and metros are advised. To what extent do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

Do advantages of the Internet outweigh its disadvantages ?[423]