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Writing Samples
Band 7

Obesity is becoming a growing concern in many developed countries. What are the main causes of obesity, and what solutions can be taken to tackle this issue?

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Introduction
In recent years,
obesity
Use synonyms
 has become a major
health
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 crisis in many developed countries. It is mainly caused by unhealthy dietary habits and a sedentary lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be addressed through government interventions and large-scale
health
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 education campaigns.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main causes of
obesity
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 is a lack of physical activity. In developed countries, generally, most people have comfortable lifestyles and sedentary jobs, so they engage in less physical activity and burn fewer calories.
As a result
Linking Words
, excessive calorie consumption can lead to weight gain and increase the risk of
obesity
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-related diseases.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the widespread availability of fast
food
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 and sugary snacks encourages people to consume excessive calories beyond the body’s daily requirements, eventually leading to more unhealthy weight gain.
Body paragraph 2
To combat
obesity
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, governments should implement several effective interventions. First and foremost, governments should introduce large-scale
health
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 education programs to raise public awareness about healthy lifestyles and
health
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 problems associated with
obesity
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 through television and ,most importantly , social media platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook and TikTok. Another effective solution would be increasing taxes on calorie-dense
food
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 and limiting access to highly processed
food
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.
This
Linking Words
 can help people to resist the temptation to consume fast
food
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, local authorities should build more green spaces and sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 where the public can engage in outdoor activities and some
sports
Punctuation problem
sports,
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 as maintaining a healthy lifestyle and engaging in regular physical activity go hand in hand.
Conclusion
All in all,
although
Linking Words
 modern lifestyle and easy access to fast
food
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 can inevitably lead to
obesity
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, it can be successfully tackled by raising public awareness about
obesity
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 and increasing taxes on unhealthy
food
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 products.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and solutions. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly how each solution will work. For example, say that higher prices may make people buy less fast food, and green spaces can make walking easier.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need a more real example. You could mention a city tax on sugary drinks, or free sports classes at local parks. This would make your ideas more full and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan. In the second body part, split long ideas into shorter sentences so the reader can follow them more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Additionally” and “As a result” help, but do not put too many ideas in one sentence. Also fix small spacing and punctuation issues, such as “and ,most importantly ,” and “food.Additionally”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between cause and result more exact. Instead of saying “excessive calorie consumption” after a point about little exercise, state that people both eat more calories and burn fewer calories.
task response
You stay on the topic throughout and give two clear causes: little exercise and easy access to fast food and sugary snacks.
task response
Your solutions are useful and practical, including health messages, taxes on unhealthy food, and more places for sport and outdoor activity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body paragraph has a clear main purpose.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a direct answer, and the ending brings the key ideas together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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