IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the art (e.g. Music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #focus #services #art #e #g #music
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It is often argued that spending money on public
services
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 is more important than spending on arts.I strongly agree with
this
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 declaration that the
Government
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 should make public
services
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 better. To comment with the agreement that public
services
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such
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 as public transport and housing societies should be focused on by the
government
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.
In other words
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, these
services
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 are very important for the prosperity and well-being of the public.
Additionally
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, it will reduce inequality in the communities so everyone will have
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 of equal income in
this
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 way.
however
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, the economy of the country will grow by spending on these
services
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.
For example
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, opening more hospitals will provide better treatments and facilities for patients and will give opportunities to low-income individuals.
Thus
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, the difference in social class will be removed by
government
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 spending on public
services
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. Moving toward the other side of the argument that
art
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 is as much important as public
services
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 so,
art
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 is a part of our traditions like painting and music.It is the prestige of one country to secure its traditions and values.
while
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 these traditions transfer from generation to generation to save cultural values.
On the other hand
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, it
also
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 benefits the communities by developing a sense of belonging so people from different societies come together, share their ideas and communicate with each other.
For instance
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, in FINLAND, 91% of the total expenditures the
government
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 spends on
art
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should spend on
art
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 to enhance the dignity of the country.
To sum up
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,
government
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 should spend on both public
services
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as well as
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 on
art
Use synonyms
 but focusing on public
services
Use synonyms
 is essential to make people's lives easier.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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Task Response
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly mention both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to strengthen the logical flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use additional linking words to connect your ideas, which will help improve the cohesion of your writing.
Task Response
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and examples to provide a deeper analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
Task Response
You provide specific examples, such as the example of Finland, which adds depth to your argument.
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