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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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Despite the fact that listening to
music
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 is a much-needed desire in nowadays
societys
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society
societies
, the importance of its different types is something that
devides
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divides
 opinions. There are various reasons
as to
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apply
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why
music
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 is an essential part of people’s lives, with socializing and one’s mental health being the two major ones. One of the most important advantages of
music
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 is the possibility of communication and socialization, regardless of people’s
mother-tongue
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mother tongue
show examples
 language. Indeed, communicating with shared universal emotions that can be expressed by the usage of different tunes and tempos is an effective way of socialization.
For instance
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, Latin
music
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, with its high-tempo and catchy tunes, can encourage everyone to dance and vibe with the rhythm without being obliged to understand the exact meaning of the lyrics.
Moreover
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, Listening to
music
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 can alleviate stress levels and cater to the release of endorphins,
also
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 known as a feel-good hormone, which lifts one’s mood and helps them to face their problems with a better attitude. In terms of the importance of national and international
music
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, it is impossible for one to outweigh the other as they both bring about valuable merits to individuals’ lives
as well as
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 societies.
Firstly
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, Traditional
music
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 fosters a sense of patriotism,
Whereas
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 international
music
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 strengthens bonds between individuals from different countries. The latter form is a shared interest among individuals, particularly teenagers,
while
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 the former might be the preferred form among more seasoned citizens.
Secondly
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, in terms of societies, traditional
music
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 is usually tailored to address local problems, annotating history between notes and rhythms. These types of
music
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 provide a sophisticated platform for expressing complaints about the persecution of a specific group, like farmers. Meanwhile, ubiquitous international
music
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 highlights worldwide issues,
such
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 as racial persecution. In conclusion,
music
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 is a unique language through which different societies can communicate, and it is
also
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 a great way to alleviate extreme emotions. As for the type of
music
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, I believe both traditional and international
music
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 have the same gravity in

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Complete Response
The essay addresses both parts of the question: why we need music and the comparative importance of traditional vs. international music. Try to introduce more specific examples to strengthen arguments, particularly about the impact of traditional music.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Ideas are conveyed clearly, and the arguments are generally well-developed. However, ensuring more clarity and depth in discussing international and traditional music would be helpful.
Relevant Specific Examples
Consider adding specific examples to support the points made about traditional music's role and international music's global influence.
Logical Structure
The essay is well-organized, with subheadings logically progressing from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear focus, but ensure smooth transitions between different points.
Introduction Conclusion Present
A strong introduction and conclusion provide a good frame for the essay's major arguments. Make the conclusion reflect more on the potential implications of traditional and international music.
Supported Main Points
Main points are generally well-supported, though include more examples and evidence to enhance the supporting arguments provided.
Introduction Conclusion Present
Strong introduction and conclusion which frame up the essay well.
Logical Structure
The logical flow of ideas and clear paragraph structure assist in understanding the argument presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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