IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problem does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

#resources #oil #forests #water #rate
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The extensive consumption of critical natural
resources
,
such
 as
oil
, forests, and
freshwaterwater
Correct your spelling
freshwater
, poses significant problems. These issues include environmental degradation and public health concerns. To reduce these risks, several solutions can be implemented. Governments should play a crucial role by establishing and enforcing regulations that promote sustainable resource use and address these challenges effectively.
Firstly
, the primary problem that might arise from
this
issue
 is environmental degradation. To explain, regarding forests, cutting down trees for agriculture and other uses
such
 as making chairs and tables, leads to the loss and disruption of ecosystems and the death of living organisms. In terms of consuming fresh water and
oil
, extracting water and
oil
 from the ground leads to the loss of the creature's homes. To tackle
this
issue
, the government should implement regulations for resource use.
For example
, farmers should obtain approval before consuming
resources
, and they should be required to use areas that are uninhabited by wildlife.
Secondly
, another problem is public health issues. To clarify, consuming natural
resources
 can cause the cleanliness of nature.
For example
, utilizing the forests can lead to global warming and air pollution, and extracting fresh water results in waterborne diseases.
Therefore
, respiratory problems and greenhouse gas emissions result from the usage of
oil
. To solve
this
issue
, the government should teach the farmers the right way to utilize and consume these
resources
 to reduce the issues. In conclusion, despite using natural
resources
 resulting in many problems, there are many ways to tackle
this
issue
.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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task response
The essay provides a good structure but could benefit from a clearer development of ideas. There's a need for more specific examples and deeper exploration of the solutions proposed. For instance, explaining specific government regulations or giving examples of successful implementations would strengthen the response.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly. There are some abrupt transitions between points which could be improved. Use linking words and phrases to create a more cohesive flow. Additionally, ensure that all paragraphs are directly related to the topic and contribute to reinforcing the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective. The conclusion particularly does a good job summarizing the key points.
task response
The essay addresses two main problems and suggests solutions for both, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
What to do next:
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