some people think that money makes a life a comfortable others think that a large amount of money brings more trouble. do you think advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#people #money #life #amount #trouble #outweigh

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It is often argued whether

money

is an essential factor in making

life

more comfortable. Some claim that having a huge amount of

money

is crucial for a better living

whereas

others are firm in their belief that

this

brings several issues. Personally, I am a proponent of the view that the advantages of

this

exceed the disadvantages. in

this

essay, I am going to elucidate both the benefits and drawbacks of

this

One

of the most obvious benefits of having a huge amount of

money

is that it ensures

people

acquire the quality of education.

For example

, the wealthy are able to study in high-ranked universities like Yale University thanks to

money

, allowing them to reach their best knowledge.

Further

, having a fortune is undoubtedly essential for maintaining

one

overall

well-being. Wealthy

people

are able to consume healthy , expensive food which contains high levels of minerals, decreasing the risks of facing health problems.

Finally

, wealthy

people

can travel to various places.

One

study conducted at Nazaarbaev University proves that individuals who travel frequently face less stress, proving that having

money

is crucial for stress management .

Thus

, being wealthy makes

life

much more convenient.

Nevertheless

, it is significant to recognize that being a prosperous person may have certain drawbacks.

To begin

with, the majority of affluent

people

lacking control over

money

are known to commence bad habits

such

as the usage of drugs and extensive rate of alcohol consumption.A good example of

this

is Macaulay Culkin who became wealthy after acting in several films.

However

, his career ended because of drug addiction.

This

example proves that having a huge degree of

money

can destroy

one

life

owing to low

money

management skills .

In addition

, it is widely accepted that rich

people

are surrounded by fake friends. Noticing

this

fact may cause emotional trauma to the wealthy.

Consequently

this

may lead to psychological problems. In conclusion,

Although

it seems that being a prosperous person may cause issues

due to

a lack of control over

money

, I strongly believe that

money

is the most important factor in creating a convenient

life

Therefore

benefits of being rich overshadow the drawbacks.

However

,it is recommended that wealthy individuals should improve their

money

management skills

Submitted by pandatvin3 on Fri Nov 01 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to connect your ideas more smoothly with linking phrases to improve the logical structure.

coherence cohesion

Ensure topic sentences clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

task achievement

Double-check for any minor grammar mistakes or word choices that might not be the best fit.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances understanding.

task achievement

You provided specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.

task achievement

You have thoroughly addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

371 words

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some people think that money makes a life a comfortable others think that a large amount of money brings more trouble. do you think advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Are electric cars better for the environment than fuel-powered cars? Discuss the both views and give your opinion.

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Many children this days have an unhealthy lifestile. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?