some people believe that money makes a live a comfortable others think that a large amount of money brings trouble do you think advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

It is often argued whether money is an essential factor in making life more comfortable. Some claim that having a huge amount of money is crucial for a better living
whereas
others are firm in their belief that
this
brings several issues. Personally, I am a proponent of the view that the advantages of
this
exceed the disadvantages. in
this
essay, I am going to elucidate both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
. One key benefit of
wealth
is access to quality education.
For instance
, affluent
individuals
can attend top universities like Yale, providing them with extensive knowledge and career opportunities.
Furthermore
, financial resources are crucial for maintaining health as wealthy people can afford nutritious foods that lower health risks.
Finally
, the ability to travel frequently can alleviate stress, as a study from Nazarbayev University indicates.
This
demonstrates that
wealth
not only grants access to education but
also
supports health and well-being.
On the other hand
, there are some notable drawbacks. Many affluent
individuals
struggle with self-control, leading to issues like substance abuse. A well-known example is Macaulay Culkin, who became wealthy early in life but faced a decline in his career
due to
addiction.
This
shows that without effective money management skills,
wealth
can be detrimental.
Additionally
, wealthy
individuals
often encounter fake friendships, leading to emotional distress and even psychological problems. In conclusion,
although
wealth
may bring challenges, particularly with poor self-control, I firmly believe that it plays a crucial role in creating a comfortable life.
Therefore
, the advantages of
wealth
outweigh the disadvantages, provided
individuals
manage their finances wisely.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Ensure to fully develop each point with more detailed explanations or examples where possible. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is structured well, introducing transitional phrases between main points or paragraphs can further improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively contextualize the essay.
task achievement
The essay highlights relevant examples which support the main arguments, such as the reference to Macaulay Culkin.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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