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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many ppl choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#ppl #work #company #be #case
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In my
essay
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essay,
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 we will be discussing about growing number of men
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are willing to run their own businesses, rather than for an employer. In recent years, the aspiration to start a
business
Use synonyms
 has become a common goal among young people. Many feel that running their own
business
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 provides greater control over their careers and the opportunity for creative freedom.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 working for oneself can bring significant rewards, it
also
Linking Words
 involves considerable risks and challenges. One key advantage of being self-employed is the independence it offers. Young entrepreneurs have the freedom to set their schedules, choose projects they are passionate about, and build something they truly believe in.
This
Linking Words
 autonomy can be highly satisfying and motivating, providing a sense of accomplishment that working for an employer might not offer.
Additionally
Linking Words
, successful businesses can be financially rewarding, with the potential for earnings that are often higher than regular salaries.
However
Linking Words
, the drawbacks of self-employment can be daunting. Starting a
business
Use synonyms
 requires substantial initial investment and often involves financial uncertainty. Many new businesses struggle to make profits in their early stages, leaving entrepreneurs vulnerable to debt and stress.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, self-employed individuals frequently work long hours without the security of a stable income or benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as health insurance or paid leave, which are typically provided by employers. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the appeal of running one's own
business
Use synonyms
 is understandable, the challenges of self-employment should not be underestimated. Young people should carefully weigh the potential rewards against the risks involved. For those with a strong vision and resilience, the advantages may indeed outweigh the drawbacks, but self-employment is not the right path for everyone.
Submitted by nana_skylife on

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task achievement
Consider providing specific examples or case studies to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures and use linking words for enhanced coherence.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor inaccuracies in word choice like 'men' instead of 'people'; it might shift the focus of the essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly responds to both parts of the task, discussing reasons for self-employment and its potential downsides.
coherence cohesion
A well-defined introduction and conclusion provide clear framing for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The argument is logical and the ideas flow well, helping the reader follow the discussion easily.
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