IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap be tween the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation?

#studies #countries #income #gap #tween #situation #address
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These days, the negative happening is that the income space among the
people
 who are rich and the poor has been climbing in some
countries
.
This
 essay discusses the matters that are a result of
this
 issue and how we can solve it. Unfortunately, when the rich
people
 become richer and poor populations become poorer in
countries
;
thereafter
, the rate of crime and the number of communities who do not have education grow. On the one hand, the rate of committing crimes increases and society does not have safety when they live in
countries
 owing to the fact that the figure of poverty regions goes up. To illustrate, all
people
 need some elements for living and when they are poor, they cannot provide them; in fact, they commit crimes like burglary, robbery and so on.
On the other hand
, when the communities do not have
money
 for their food, they do not spend
money
 on their education.
In other words
, the number of
people
 who are able to improve
countries
 reduces over a period of time.
This
 problem can be solved by changing economic methods. It is crucial that most
countries
 which have
this
 matter do not have good industries and their economy does not have a rising trend;
consequently
, I advise these
countries
 to create a chance in which other
countries
 invest their
money
 in building companies and shops.
Furthermore
, they have to use successful
countries
' experiences to change their economy so that,
this
 gap declines.
To sum up
, In my opinion, the
money
 gap between the rich and the poor has a negative effect on safety and the country's development and it can be solved by altering the way of economy.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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Task Achievement
In terms of task response, make sure your points are fully explored and developed to achieve a higher band. Although you mentioned crime rates and lack of education, the explanations were slightly general. Try providing more specific examples or statistics to back up your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. While transitions are present, ensure that ideas connect more naturally and logically. This could be improved by using more varied linking words and phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the topic and summarizing your main points effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay covers the required task by identifying problems and possible solutions regarding the income gap.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • income gap
  • social discord
  • disparity
  • entrenching
  • progressive taxation
  • redistribute
  • public services
  • economic growth
  • disposable income
  • minimum living wage
  • standard of living
  • unemployment
  • lower-skilled workers
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