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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Religious tourism is a significant aspect of global travel, attracting millions of visitors to sacred sites around the world. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of religious tourism.

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It is a fact that
tourism
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 plays an important role in our lives. Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
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 are concerned about religious
tourism
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. Some
people
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 subscribe to the view that religious
tourism
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 has some advantages,
while
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 others support the argument that it
also
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 has several disadvantages. The following essay will discuss both the pros and cons of
this
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 issue. On the one hand, there are some reasons why
people
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 say that
this
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 form of travel brings many benefits to local communities. The first merit of religious travel is that it makes a great contribution to the boost of the local economy. To be more specific, pilgrims and tourists often require accommodation, transportation and souvenirs, which lead to increased revenue for local communities and job opportunities for local residents. The second merit of
this
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 issue is that religious
tourism
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 fosters cultural exchange and understanding.
This
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 means that it helps
people
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 widen
knowledge
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their knowledge
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 about different customs, traditions and beliefs.
Moreover
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, encouraging religious
tourism
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 is one of the ways to preserve locals’ cultural and religious values.
On the other hand
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, despite the aforementioned benefits, there are some drawbacks of religious travel that should be taken into consideration. The first demerit of
this
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 problem is that it damages the local environment. Specifically, the large influx of visitors to sacred sites, especially during peak pilgrimage seasons and festivals, leads to overcrowding and pollution from transportation, waste generation, and even damage to natural landscapes surrounding sacred sites. The second drawback of religious
tourism
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 is that it may increase social evils and crime rates.
For example
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, pilgrims and tourists are defrauded by scammers who exploit the trust and faith of the tourists.
To sum up
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, religious
tourism
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 has both pros and cons.
However
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, as far as I am concerned, the government should balance between protecting the resources and social stability of the local communities and encouraging religious pilgrimages. Only by doing so can we ensure that
people
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 will have better and more prosperous lives.

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more specific examples or case studies as illustrations of the points made, particularly for the advantages and disadvantages you discussed.
coherence and cohesion
While your structure is clear, ensure that each point is fully explored before transitioning to the next one, to enhance the depth of discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of religious tourism, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each point, enhances the clarity of your arguments and supports the reader’s understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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