Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets and there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in the cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent days, technology
provides
Wrong verb form
has provided
show examples
excessive mobility in terms of watching films.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
has become easier to watch
movies
nowadays on our phones and tablets, which earlier was not the case. People used to wait for the films to be released in their local theatres. But
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
there are conflicting views among people that watching a film on the phone is more convenient or to enjoy the
movies
at its best we need to visit the
cinema
. let us discuss
further
which one is better when it comes to watching
movies
. We can watch a
movie
anytime
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
in the metros or using washrooms. the only requirement for watching films on a mobile device is that we need to have a subscription to different online platforms
such
as Netflix or Amazon Prime. People of younger generations can get the best out of
this
facility as they want to watch as many
movies
as they can.
For example
,
due to
excessive workloads, one of my Cousin who recently started working in a corporate job did not have enough
time
to watch
movies
even on weekends. so he prefers watching
movies
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
to and fro from work.
On the other hand
, those who are
movie
lovers, need to visit the
cinema
and watch the
movie
while
being engaged in the film. They prefer having uninterrupted involvement in the
movies
and feeling the
movie
as they themselves are the Protagonist.
For example
one of my friends used to hate it if someone even made a sound of eating popcorn inside the theatres as it would ruin the experience of watching a
movie
.
While
the experience of watching a
movie
on the phone or in the
cinema
depends on the Individual's Convenience as they might be too busy in their life, that
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
is difficult for them to spare some
time
to watch
movies
in the theatre.
while
others live for
such
experiences of watching
movies
.
therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
they take out personal
time
and enjoy watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
in the
cinema
. I believe that watching
movies
in the
cinema
is a whole different
expreince
Correct your spelling
experience
in itself as it gets you into a totally different world.
while
if we
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
have enough
time
to watch a
movie
in theatres it is fine to watch them on phones as well.
Submitted by pramodv997 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is consistently followed. This will help in logically structuring the essay.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples and details that directly illustrate your points, particularly when explaining why one might prefer phones or cinemas.
task achievement
Conclude with a more definitive statement that synthesizes the discussion points and reinforces your opinion more strongly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides an opinion, which fulfills the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You effectively introduced the topic in the opening paragraph, setting up the context for the discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents clear arguments for both perspectives, allowing readers to understand different viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Mobile Viewing
  • Cost-efficient
  • Time-efficient
  • Personalized experience
  • Immersive
  • Cinematic experience
  • Surround sound
  • Collective experience
  • Technical superiority
  • Sensory experience
  • Social hubs
  • Cultural events
  • Distractions
  • Preservation
  • Filmmaking art
  • Cinematographic nuances
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