some people believe yhe purpose of education should be helping individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. discuss and give your opinion.
A significant number of individuals believe that the intent of education should be aiding humans to become beneficial for educational individuals are reaching their intent by their effort and being professional get
general
public Add an article
the general
while
others are convinced by
that it should Change preposition
apply
assisst
people Correct your spelling
assist
to
Change preposition
in
obtain
their ambitions.
On the one Verb problem
achieving
hand
intelligent and experienced job owners are Add a comma
hand,
in
lack Change preposition
apply
in
everywhere.Having Change preposition
apply
such
kinds of humans in their office and operations of
Change preposition
apply
them
is playing a vital role.Correct pronoun usage
apply
For
example
, in hospitals patients need professional nurses and doctors otherwise
, they would deteriorate their health issues even in one day they will die with this
impact.Another example
is not having educational teachers in school in society
get lead
to ignorance of generation and development as well. If there are professional occupant owners in Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
society
,there will be intelligent
generation with the help of educational teachers, they will run their performance without health problems with the aid of experienced doctors and there will be development in that country.
Add an article
the intelligent
an intelligent
On the other hand
, being sharp-minded is not only beneficial for society
but also
it
helps to achieve personal success in Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
and being rich,owning luxury, reasonable houses,offices,cars
and being boss of Correct word choice
and cars
company
.Add an article
the company
a company
For
example
Add a comma
,
lead
them to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
high-deserved
reputation,being Correct article usage
a high-deserved
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
follow
owning Wrong verb form
following
company
and Correct article usage
a company
incresing
the numbers of them, Correct your spelling
increasing
development
Replace the word
developing
of
other businesses , incomes of them they spend by purchasing luxury houses , offices , and other success . Another Change preposition
apply
example
for society
is STiv
Jobs's Correct your spelling
Steve
life
. Firstly
he hadn't been rich. His success is due to
his intelligence. MAking
Correct your spelling
Making
world-wide
useful company is thanks to his knowledge.As Correct your spelling
worldwide
i
mentioned above person should make an effort and reach his Change the capitalization
I
intents
.
In my opinion, being educational for personal Fix the agreement mistake
intent
life
has dual
impact on Add an article
a dual
society
,too. If person
Add an article
a person
try
to be professional and Change the verb form
tries
dreaming
of his Replace the word
dreams
succes
in the future and making income Correct your spelling
success
by
his Change preposition
from
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
has
lead to the benefits of Verb problem
it will
society
too.
In conclusion, being educational has dual
effect on personal Add an article
a dual
life
and society
too. IF person
Correct article usage
a person
try
to be rich Change the verb form
tries
for
his own by his Change preposition
on
businsses
Correct your spelling
businesses
business
by
making income it has Change preposition
apply
impact
on general Add an article
an impact
society
too.Submitted by Writing9 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas in a clearer structure. Group related points together and ensure there's a logical flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and word choices. These can occasionally make your points less clear.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents both perspectives of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear start and a good summary.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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