Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
In today’s world, health is an essential aspect for everyone, especially for those who are working in offices and factories. People are busy with their
work
in the competitive world and tend to ignore healthy lifestyle
habits.
One of the main reasons for the lack of exercise
in the life of workers is the busy schedule. It is because of expensive livelihood. People take extra working hours to maintain their financial stability. As a result
, they do not have enough time for physical exercises. For instance
, many students who take loans for their studies are in the situation to pay back the amount by doing part-time work
or additional jobs. Moreover
, individuals are mostly dependent on technology for their daily activities such
as laundry machines, cars and more.
Firstly
, humans need to understand the importance of physical training. A solution is for the government to increase outdoor activities and an active lifestyle
in society. Moreover
, individuals should prioritize their health over making money in jobs. Their daily routine must have a little time for exercise
. For illustration, in my friend’s office, they have special
space for physical activities during Correct article usage
a special
work
hours.
In conclusion, working people do not get enough exercise
because of the long work
hours and hectic lifestyle
. In consequence, workers, authorities, employers, and individuals should make their lifestyle
healthier by adding more time for Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
exercise
and following a balanced diet.Submitted by rohilaimronshoeva1 on
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coherence cohesion
Your text is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, you could enhance your logical structure by providing more clarity and connection between your ideas. For example, explaining how technology reliance impacts physical activity could improve coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that all your points are supported by specific and relevant examples. While you have some good examples, try to incorporate a few more to better illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on why exercise is important for health and how exactly a busy schedule impacts the ability to exercise. This would make your ideas more comprehensive and clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument efficiently.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task effectively, discussing both the reasons for lack of exercise and potential solutions.
Your ideas are relevant and you have given good examples to support your points, such as the reference to the
general
You have a good range of vocabulary and sentence structure, which makes your essay enjoyable to read.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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