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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #country #birth #people #australia #countries #summarise #features #comparisons
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The pie chart provides information about the country of
birth
Use synonyms
 of individuals living in
Australia
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 the table illustrates where these
people
Use synonyms
 live in urban or rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are Australians
while
Linking Words
 the smallest proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are from other countries. Another noticeable feature is that foreign nations mostly live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 rather than in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. To start with, the most common country in the
birth
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 of
people
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 is
Australia
Use synonyms
 with 73%, underscoring its dominance. Followed by the Netherlands which ranked after
Australia
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 with 14%
while
Linking Words
 the share of New Zealander's
birth
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 in
Australia
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 accounted for half of
Netherlands'
Correct article usage
the Netherlands'
show examples
 figures (7%). Three nations'
birth
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 proportions that constituted extremely low percentages under a tiny fraction are British, Chinese, and other nations (3%, 2%, 1%) respectively. In terms of these peoples' living
areas
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, the majority of individuals from China, the Netherlands, the UK,
Australia
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, and New Zealand live in cities, showing high percentages (99%, 90%,89%, 83%, 80%). In comparison, the share of
people
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 from the same countries living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 represented low figures (20%, 17%, 10%, 11%, 1%) respectively.
Submitted by almirasartayeva on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, australia, people, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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