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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the bar chart below shows the average children born per womann in 5 countries in 1970 and 2000

the bar chart below shows the average children born per womann in 5 countries in 1970 and 2000
The bar graph illustrates the
birth
Use synonyms
 rate in
India
Use synonyms
,
Thailand
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, Mexico,
Spain
Use synonyms
 and Somalia in the
years
Use synonyms
 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
birth
Use synonyms
 rate in
India
Use synonyms
 surpassed other countries during the initial year
whereas
Linking Words
,
Spain
Use synonyms
 accounted for the least in
both
Use synonyms
 given
years
Use synonyms
. Significantly, there was a decline in
birth
Use synonyms
 rates
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Thailand
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 and
India
Use synonyms
. Apparently,
Use synonyms
spain
Change the capitalization
Spain
show examples
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 consistent
birth
Use synonyms
 rate in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. In later
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
somalia
Change the capitalization
Somalia
show examples
 exhibited a moderate climb in
birth
Use synonyms
 rates.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph,
India
Use synonyms
 had the highest
birth
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
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 of just over 5 followed by
Thailand
Use synonyms
 with slightly less than 5 in 1970.
However
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 countries
India
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 and
Thailand
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 noticeably fell to 3 and less than 2 in 2000. Mexico remained unchanged with
value
Correct article usage
a value
show examples
3
Change preposition
of 3
show examples
during
both
Use synonyms
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 clear from the graph,
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spain
Change the capitalization
Spain
show examples
 declined from 2.8 to 1.3 between the
years
Use synonyms
. Markedly ,
somalia
Change the capitalization
Somalia
show examples
 took a reverse trend from just over 3 to 3.5
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1970 to 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, india, thailand, spain, years, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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