Some people believe that children should stay in school until the age of 18. Others suggest that educating till the age of 14 year is enough. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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There is no denying the fact that completing their schooling is a significant thing to be a good member of our society.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that
kids
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should stay in
school
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until they complete the
age
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of 18, there is
also
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an argument that other people suggesting they finish education till the
age
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of 14 is sufficient. On the one hand, the majority of people used to finishing
kids
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their
school
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in 18
years
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.
In other words
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, the
age
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of maturity is 18
years
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so, it is obvious to end their
school
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at 18
years
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and start a university with the clean brains and far thoughts of teenagers.
In addition
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, the governments have made strict rules and regulations to ensure their
kids
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are finishing
school
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at 18
years
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old.
For example
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, if they were finished before maturity
age
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,perhaps they will not be aware of the circumstances of living.
On the other hand
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, others may have a different view of their
kids
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finishing in 14
years
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. It is
also
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possible to say that, not all children have the same brain ,
therefore
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parents are confident in their
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kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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ability to learn faster and earlier .
Moreover
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, recently, the new generation has become brilliant and particularly talented in early childhood , so they do not need to be 18
years
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old to finish.
For instance
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, if they finish in 14
years
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, they will have more time to complete their higher education at 20
years
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old and that gives them more time to try new things. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that it is beneficial to finish
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
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by the
age
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of 14
years
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is sufficient for them and provides them with a considerable degree at an early
age
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly and logically. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next and that your arguments build upon one another without repetition.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. Your argument could be strengthened with real-life examples, data, or studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in creating a structured discussion.
Task Achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument effectively, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
Task Achievement
The conclusion reflects a personal opinion, which is important in discussing an argument-based essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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