IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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Over the
last
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 few years, companies have opted for
anew
Correct your spelling
a new
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 method of advertising which is to highlight new things about their
product
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.
This
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 phenomenon has now become common for advertisers and as
such
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 requires thorough investigation.
This
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 essay will delve deeper into the reasons behind it and how it could both benefit the
consumer
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 and achieve the goals of advertisers.
Firstly
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, to find the reasons we must look into what factors are important for a potential
consumer
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. When looking for a
product
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, the potential buyer will look for all the items that might satisfy their need.
As a result
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, businesses want their
product
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 to stand out among all other brands and something new,
although
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 small, will achieve that.
Moreover
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, all advertisements need talking points; Something that stays in the minds of buyers when they make a purchase and being new in some way has
this
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 effect.
For instance
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, take someone who is looking to buy a car from the company. They are more likely to buy the car that has been advertised as being something new and exciting. In my view,
this
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 trend is a positive one.
Due to
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 the fact that these types of advertisements are working well, companies are actively looking for something new to better their
product
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 and make
it
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them
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 unique.
Consequently
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, these types of competition benefit the
consumer
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 for they can now buy better items.
For example
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, in the car industry, the competition to sell better has led to new and useful features
such
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 as self-driving.
Overall
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, emphasising new and unique traits of a
product
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 in advertising is now common and it is for good reasons. Highlighting the fact that their
product
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 is unique will boost the number of sales and it is
also
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 good for the
consumer
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 because , in their efforts to come up with something new, companies often make better products.
Submitted by parsaj1381 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a consistent tone and style throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion. The essay occasionally shifts in tone, which may disrupt the overall flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples in support of your arguments to enhance the credibility and depth of the essay. This will also help in illustrating your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down paragraphs further to focus on one main idea per paragraph. This can improve clarity and help convey ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay gives a comprehensive overview of the reasons behind the advertising phenomenon and touches upon both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clearly maintained with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You make good use of examples, like the car industry, to illustrate your points about competition leading to better products.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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