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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family

#majority #children #grandparents #parents
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With the development of modern lifestyles and increasing work demands, many
parents
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 find themselves spending most of their time working.
As a result
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, they increasingly rely on
grandparents
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 to raise their
children
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.
This
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 phenomenon has a range of impacts on all family members, some positive and others potentially negative. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss these effects on the family as a whole. On one hand, having
grandparents
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 involved in
children
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’s lives can provide a stable and supportive environment.
Grandparents
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 often bring experience and patience and are able to share valuable wisdom with
children
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.
For instance
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, having
grandparents
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 around can help
children
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 learn morals and values that they might miss
due to
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 their
parents
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' constant busyness.
Therefore
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,
children
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 raised by
grandparents
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 may feel emotionally and mentally secure, which supports their growth and development in positive ways.
On the other hand
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, these circumstances can create certain challenges, especially for the
parents
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. When
children
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 spend most of their time with their
grandparents
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,
parents
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 might lose some of the closeness they would typically have with their
children
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, which could lead to weaker communication and a harder time understanding their
children
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’s needs.
Additionally
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,
grandparents
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 might not always be up-to-date with modern parenting trends, potentially leading to differences in parenting styles between generations.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 arrangement can put psychological and physical strain on the
grandparents
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, who may struggle to keep up with the demands of caring for
children
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due to
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 their age.
Overall
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,
while
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grandparents
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 bring many benefits to the lives of
children
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 and the family, complete reliance on them can lead to challenges that affect family dynamics.
Therefore
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, I believe that the best approach is to create a balance between the roles of
parents
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 and
grandparents
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 in raising
children
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,
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apply
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 so that everyone can benefit from the positive aspects without harming family relationships or the well-being of any family member.
Submitted by marimal.ali880 on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific and varied examples to support your points and enrich your arguments further. This can help illustrate your ideas more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of balancing each section of your essay. Allocating equal attention and elaboration to each main point can enhance the essay's coherence and ensure a comprehensive discussion of the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the task, effectively addressing both the positive and negative impacts of grandparents raising children.
coherence cohesion
You demonstrate a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The transition between ideas and paragraphs is smooth and enhances the logical flow of the essay, contributing to a coherent argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multigenerational households
  • emotional support
  • generational gap
  • life lessons
  • family bonds
  • childcare
  • health issues
  • values
  • guilt
  • regret
  • family dynamics
  • sense of purpose
  • physical strain
  • emotional strain
  • societal implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: