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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, some people argue that
parents
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 should be the ones who teach
children
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 to be excellent citizens,
while
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 others believe that teachers should teach
students
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 these things at
school
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.
This
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 topic has always been debatable, and I will discuss both sides of view in the following essay. From the
parents
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 ’ point of view,
parents
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 can educate their
children
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 most effectively. Since the child is born, the
parents
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 are the first people who take care of
children
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, which means they are the child’s first model and spend most of the time with their child in the early years. By having a long-term company,
parents
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 know their kids better than others, enabling them to form a unique way to educate
children
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 more effectively.
Besides
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, a better way of educating could lead to a better result of forming
children
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 to become a greater citizen.
For example
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, in
school
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, the teachers would prioritise the teaching of base-exam knowledge rather than focus on how to shape
students
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 to be good citizens.
On the other hand
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, as
children
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 grow up,
school
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 becomes a place where they would spend most of their time.
Students
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 have less time to spend with their families, but at
school
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 with their social circle. In the meantime, the
school
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 can be seen as a small society; an environment where
students
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 take part is already teaching them how to be a good part of society. In the meanwhile, the teacher
also
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 takes a crucial role in enlightening
students
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 on the way to comprehend. Take boarding
school
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 as an example;
students
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 live independently by themselves.
School
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 is the main place to shape them in how to be a good part of society during their everyday lives.
To sum up
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, I believe
parents
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 are the best people to teach their
children
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 to become good citizens. Because they are the first model of their
children
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 and known better. Hanse, compared to
school
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, Having a parent to teach is more direct, effective and less distracting.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistent use of tenses throughout the essay to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Consider expanding on examples and providing more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion offering your opinion.
task achievement
The argument balances both perspectives effectively and offers a personal viewpoint, fulfilling the task response requirements.
task achievement
The explanation of parents' and school roles provides a balanced view, addressing different aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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