Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination,while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals think that to succeed in
life
people
need to do hard
work
and determination,
while
other
people
think of it as a prime factor
such
as in financial and physical
appearance
. In
this
essay, I will talk about why I think hard
work
and decision making is important to
success
.
To begin
with, some
people
think that having tons of money and
appearance
are the most important
factors
.
This
is true sometimes.
For example
, when
people
start a business, they have enough employment already by paying money and some individuals have more physical
appearance
than a person's experience
such
as, singer model and so on.
However
, to be successful all of these
people
are working hard and making many collective decisions.
Secondly
, some
also
think that having good decision-making is one of the most important
factors
to
success
.
For instance
, during
work
or in bad conditions,
people
who succeed will make good
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
even though in
this
time.
Moreover
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing a decision,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can change the
life
of
people
to
success
or
to fail
Verb problem
failure
show examples
.
Therefore
, having determination is one of the important
factors
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
get
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
success
in
life
. Many
people
think that hard
work
, determination, money and
appearance
are the main
factors
to get a better
life
.
However
, in my opinion, I think relationships are the most important
factors
to
success
because having a relationship can make
work
more successful and gain many skills of humanity
such
as communication skills and kindness.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Examples can help illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are adequately supported with detailed explanations or evidence to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout your essay to improve clarity and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance.
coherence cohesion
You have a conclusion that effectively summarizes your viewpoint, adding closure to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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