Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearence

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Some individuals think that to succeed in

life

people need to do hard work and determination,

while

other mankind think of it as a prime factor

such

as in financial and physical

appearance

. In

this

essay, I will talk about why I think hard work and decision making is important to achieve.

To begin

with, some mankind think that having tons of money and

appearance

are the most important elements.

This

is true sometimes.

For example

, when individuals start a business, they have enough employment already by paying money and some mankind have more physical

appearance

than a person's experience

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

singer model and so on.

However

, to be successful all of these

humankinds

Correct your spelling

humankind

are working hard and making many collective decisions.

Secondly

, some

also

think that having good decision-making is one of the most important elements to achieve.

For instance

, during jobs or in bad conditions, people who succeed will make good decisions even though in

this

time.

Moreover

, choosing a decision can change the

life

of people to success or failure.

Therefore

, having determination is one of the important factors in achieving success in

life

. Many individuals think that hard work, determination, money and

appearance

are the main factors to get a better

life

However

, in my opinion, I think relationships are the most important factors to success because having a relationship can make

job

Correct article usage

a job

show examples

more successful and gain many skills of humanity

such

as communication skills and kindness.

Submitted by dokmally2 on Sun Nov 03 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence. Ensure that each argument is linked clearly to the preceding one.

Task Response

Expand on specific examples to make arguments more convincing and relatable. Use examples that directly correlate with your main points.

Task Response

Clarify the main points you want to convey in each paragraph to help the reader easily grasp the essay's central ideas.

Task Response

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views related to success, touching upon work ethics and materialistic factors.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively present and wrap up the essay's core arguments.

Task Response

Main points are generally supported, showing a good effort in explaining ideas related to success and its multifaceted nature.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays many students choose to study abroad at university level. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, and give your own opinion about whether it is a good idea.

Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)