IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of people’s lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

#governments #world #amounts #money #art #quality #people’s #lives
A lot of
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
in
Change preposition
around
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 the
globle
Correct your spelling
global
globe
 expenditure huge
money
 on
sculputers
Correct your spelling
sculptures
, which assist
to enhance
Change preposition
in enhancing
show examples
 the quality of
nations
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nations'
nation's
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lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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,
while
other court
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another court
other courts
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 must expenses income on other activities. Personally, l strongly advocate the former view. In
this
 essay, l will discuss both views using examples from the Sultan Qaboos University to demonstrate the sides, and,
then
, l will share my personal view. There are a lot of reasons why Spending
of
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apply
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money
 on other things. To explain, some
people
do
Verb problem
are
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 not
interest
Replace the word
interested
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
,
however
 they
hooked
Add a missing verb
are hooked
show examples
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on another
show examples
another activities
Replace the adjective
another activity
other activities
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such
 as
sport
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sports
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 or matches.
For example
,
a
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in a
show examples
study conducted at Sultan Qaboos University only 99% of students expenditure a big income to watch a football
instaduim
Correct your spelling
stadium
.
Thus
, it is exclusively the
people
 into another thing rather than
art
.
Secondly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend
money
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
encourage
of
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apply
show examples
unemployment to get
career
Add an article
a career
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. To reflect, many
people
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 career must to
government
Correct article usage
the government
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get
Verb problem
apply
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and open job opportunities. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, a recent scientific by Sultan Qaboos University shows that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
100% of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
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 pay work in
this
 activity.
Therefore
, governments should
have mintain
Wrong verb form
maintain
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 the
people
 who
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 have
occupation
Add an article
an occupation
the occupation
show examples
. In conclusion, it is thought that spending
money
 on other things rather than
art
,
wherease
Correct your spelling
whereas
 expenses a large amount of
money
 on
art
. I agree that the court
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 of revenue to benefit things for nations. There are two clear
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for
this
. It is
also
 of
cause
Add an article
the cause
show examples
 first one, not all citizens keen on
art
 and
sculputers
Correct your spelling
sculptures
sculpture
,and, second one
government
 must have to improve and develop to
sure
Correct your spelling
ensure
show examples
a good
people
's life.
Submitted by Loody on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a clear, coherent structure for your essay that guides the reader through your points smoothly. Consider breaking down large ideas into smaller, well-linked paragraphs to enhance readability.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by explicitly stating your position in a clearer manner and stick to it throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph adequately supports your thesis statement.
task achievement
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas. This will help avoid repetition and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction which sets up the context and your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You support your opinions with examples, like the study from Sultan Qaboos University, which adds credibility to your arguments.
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