IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. some feel that this a positive trend, while others do not. what are your openion in this?

#food #countries #feel #trend #openion
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Eating fast
food
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 has become a topic of debate and remains extremely popular among
people
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 all around the world.
While
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 some believe that
this
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 trend offers significant benefits, others strongly oppose it.
Although
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 both sides of the argument present notable points, I advocate for the view that
this
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 trend has harmful
consequences
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, particularly in relation to
obesity
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. First of all, the popularity of fast
food
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 has led to incredibly negative
consequences
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. One of the most significant issues associated with
this
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 trend is
obesity
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, which has become increasingly common in society, especially among the younger generation and children. The more interest
people
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 have in eating fast
food
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, the higher the rates of
obesity
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 in the community. A prime illustration of
this
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 is the increase in the number of
fast
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fast-food
show examples
food
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 restaurants in both developed and affluent nations.
In other words
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, there are various restaurants located throughout cities of all sizes.
As a result
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, many
people
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 are drawn to a variety of delicious foods
such
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 as pizza, fried chicken, and fries that are served at these establishments.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 the popularity of fast
food
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 is on the rise, the government should prioritize increasing public awareness of its negative
consequences
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. In today's fast-paced world,
due to
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 various reasons
such
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 as a lack of time,
people
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 often do not dedicate enough time to cooking healthy meals at home, leading to a greater desire to eat out.
Therefore
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, eating fast
food
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 not only brings a sense of
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 but can
also
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 contribute to ignoring dangerous health risks,
such
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 as heart attacks, which can result from the consumption of fast
food
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. In conclusion,
while
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 fast
food
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 has gained immense popularity in contemporary society for various reasons—including hectic lifestyles—its dangerous
consequences
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,
such
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 as
obesity
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 and an increased risk of heart attacks, should be addressed by the government.
Submitted by mahanz on

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task achievement
Although the essay addresses the prompt effectively, consider providing more balanced views by elaborating on the arguments in favor of fast food. This can enhance the depth and completeness of your response.
task achievement
Ensure the examples are specific and well-integrated into the argument. Providing statistics or studies could strengthen the supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try incorporating more linking phrases and transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion that align with the main argument.
task achievement
The main points are supported with relevant arguments and examples, which makes the essay convincing.
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