It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some individuals think that
people
of all ages should save money
for the future. From this
essay
I will agree to save Add a comma
essay,
money
to use later which can make people
happiness
with entertainment and help when they broke.
Replace the word
happy
To begin
with, keeping money
in to bank is very helpful for the future that
Correct word choice
because
these
Change the determiner
this money
money
will help individuals when they start new jobs
and not having
enough Wrong verb form
have
incomes
. Fix the agreement mistake
income
Therefore
, people
even kids should save money
that parents or earn in jobs
give. Moreover
, in scientific explanation
it Add a comma
explanation,
is show
that having Change the verb form
is shown
is showing
money
can make people
more confident having less money
which
can make them Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
success
in Replace the word
succeed
jobs
or in business.
Therefore
, even though for
rich Change preposition
apply
people
such
as famous basketball players, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
some times
get broke sometimesCorrect your spelling
sometimes
,
Remove the comma
apply
so that
it is important to keep Correct word choice
apply
money
so that Add an article
the money
people
can live without worries. Furthermore
, there are some risks to borrow
Wrong verb form
borrowing
money
from people
that some people
scam or increase to very
expensive amount. Add an article
the very
For example
, my friend
family Change noun form
friend's
borrow
Wrong verb form
borrowed
money
from someone and they have
to pay much more than what they expectedWrong verb form
had
it
.
From my own experience, Correct pronoun usage
apply
confident
and satisfaction made me greatly improve Replace the word
confidence
my self
. Correct your spelling
myself
For instance
, during test
or in sports and so on. Fix the agreement mistake
tests
This
is same
opinion as rich Change the article
the same
people
that when they have enough money
they feel happiness
. Replace the word
happy
However
, truth
is that Correct article usage
the truth
happiness
is
can not Unnecessary verb
apply
buy
with love Wrong verb form
be bought
that
Correct word choice
apply
nowaday
even though Correct your spelling
nowadays
people
are not rich they can still have many
Replace the quantifier
much
happiness
same as rich people
. Therefore
, saving money
is much more
better than using Change the word
apply
money
for happiness
and
showing Correct word choice
apply
off
to the Correct pronoun usage
it off
people
and being proud.
To sum up
, there are many important factors to save money
. Such
as, it is helpful when people
get broke or helpful for individuals's first time of
Change preposition
at
Correct article usage
a jobs
jobs
. Fix the agreement mistake
job
Therefore
, I agree to save money
for the
later use.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by dokmally2 on
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task achievement
The essay responds to the task adequately by discussing why it is important for everyone to save money for the future. However, it could be improved by providing a more comprehensive discussion of both sides of the argument, such as considering the potential downsides or challenges of saving money for younger people.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are generally clear, but the essay could benefit from tighter organization and clearer topic sentences to improve the logical flow between points.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points effectively and substantiate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents a clear position on the topic, making it evident that the author agrees with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with a reflection on the importance of saving money, thereby reinforcing the argument presented.
task achievement
The essay includes a personal example, which adds a personal touch and relatability to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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