Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.
It is often held that
zoos
should be closed down due to
their workers’ cruelty. While
some people
think this
reason is predominant, others think that zoos
can be useful in protecting animals
. This
essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favor
of the latter.
On the one hand, some Change the spelling
favour
people
are of the opinion that zoo
employees are violent, so zoos
should be cut down. In my opinion, these thoughts are the consequence of workers’ bad responsibilities. For instance
, these responsibilities include giving some water, food, etc. Because there are lots of situations when some tourists from other countries come to see wild animals
like lions, cheetahs and hippos they will not be in their cages or when they will just lie down doing nothing. One clear example of this
is when I went to the biggest zoo
in our country, there were plenty of animals
that did not have the will to do something. Therefore
, this
group of people
believe that zoos
should be cut down.
On the other hand
, other people
admit that zoos
have lots of useful things for protecting their animals
. If we say more specifically, these people
believe that zoos
can protect the animals
that are in danger of disappearing. For example
, we can take snow leopards. In our country, Kazakhstan, there are only a few of these animals
and they were entered into our red book. Red
book is the book with the list of disappearing Add an article
The red
A red
animals
. Snow leopards live in the mountains in Almaty in the south of Kazakhstan, so we can see these animals
from the zoo
that is
located in Almaty and
when I was in the Almaty Correct word choice
apply
zoo
I saw these animals
too and I was shocked. Because, if we compare between
other Change preposition
apply
animals
in zoos
from other cities, they were in good condition and totally active for a long time. That is
why the other group of people
admit that zoos
are good for protecting wild and disappearing animals
.
In conclusion, there were lots of debates arguing that zoos
are cruel, while
others think that zoos
are useful for providing better conditions for animals
. Personally, in my point of view, zoos
are the best for all animals
Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and clearly explained. The argument about zoo employees' negligence could be expanded with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. The essay sometimes jumps abruptly between different points, which affects readability.
task achievement
Make sure to have a clearer and more formal conclusion. The current conclusion is slightly informal and could be more concise.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear and well-organized introduction and conclusion, setting up and summarizing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Specific examples are used to support the arguments, such as the mention of snow leopards in Kazakhstan. This enhances the relevance and specificity of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view of the issue.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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