IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Fewer people are reading books these days. Therefore we should close all libraries and use the funds for something more urgent like healthcare. Do you agree or disagree

#people #books #libraries #funds #healthcare
In the modern world, most
people
 do not go to the library. So the number of librarians declined. And most of the funds have to be used for other things like healthcare. In my opinion,
libraries
 must not close. There are some primary reasons for saving all
libraries
. First and foremost, the
place
 where
people
 can read
books
 becomes
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 optimal
place
 for poor
people
 or all students. Because there are all sources like
books
, using free internet and silent
place
. Not only students can gather to read
books
 and
practicing
Replace the word
practice
show examples
 but
also
 most readers can organize some social meetings. If all
libraries
close
Add a missing verb
are close
show examples
 to providing money to healthcare, society, most of the younger generation and the part of the poor population.
On the other hand
,
libraries
 have lots of benefits for the health of
people
. Because of silence in the library, many readers who
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 nervous or
mental
Add a missing verb
have mental
show examples
 issues can relax by reading
books
 and being silent. It is
also
 mentioned that, nowadays, all
libraries
 have an opportunity to use the internet
as well as
 learn and gather some information on the net or website. So they are connected with
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 technology decade. In conclusion,
although
libraries
 take lots of funds that can be used for healthcare development,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many beneficial ways like relaxing processes, using free internet or
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
show examples
 with the modern world and offering a meeting
place
.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to further develop your main points with specific examples or case studies, which will help in strengthening your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear and logical flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion
The essay effectively presents an introduction and conclusion that are clear and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The main argument against closing libraries is strongly stated and supported with reasonable points, such as benefits for students and the community.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: