As a result of electronic inventions ,people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health . To what extent do you agree or disagree
Nowadays people tend to relax most of their time and not do any activities because of new technological inventions.
As a result
, that causes a major disease in the future . This
essay agrees that technology
affects the children
's new generation and family communications.
On one hand,in 2024 the children
's addiction to video games increased .Therefore
, their energy and mental health are impaired .Our society needs to play together to ban children
under 15 years from various technology
tools .This
will result in good mental health generation also
they can release their energy in a positive way .For instance
, playgrounds and swimming pools a perfect places for this
age group to have fun and do some physical moves , rather than sitting and watching some electronic screen.
On the other hand
, technology
affects family communication , with each person from the family sitting in their room and leaving the others alone .For example
, the big brothers watch some movies inside his room .Also
, the father reads some stories on his phone alone ,and the mother calls her friends most of the time .As a result
, as communications decrease each other this
will affect our society in the coming times.
In conclusion, technology
affects human health in various ways . children
and families are the most affected by them .In my opinion, I totally agree with the previous reasons.Submitted by sarah on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is excellent. However, some areas need more logical connections within and between the paragraphs. Try using more linking words to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
You introduced your topic clearly and provided a conclusion summarizing your points, which adds to the coherence of your essay. Be sure to elaborate more on the key points in the conclusion to reinforce them.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the task by highlighting the impacts of technology on children's physical activities and family communication. Consider diving deeper into a specific example to add more depth to your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and relevant to the question. Nevertheless, try to be more precise with your examples and explanations to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay and clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
You've done a good job of covering both the impact on children and family communications, providing a balanced view.
Your opinion
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