As a result of electronic inventions ,people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health . To what extent do you agree or disagree

#inventions #people #activity #effect #health

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Nowadays people tend to relax most of their time and not do any activities because of new technological inventions.

As a result

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, that causes a major disease in the future .

This

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essay agrees that

technology

Use synonyms

affects the

children

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's new generation and family communications. On one hand,in 2024 the

children

Use synonyms

's addiction to video games increased .

Therefore

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, their energy and mental health are impaired .Our society needs to play together to ban

children

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under 15 years from various

technology

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tools .

This

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will result in good mental health generation

also

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they can release their energy in a positive way .

For instance

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, playgrounds and swimming pools a perfect places for

this

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age group to have fun and do some physical moves , rather than sitting and watching some electronic screen.

On the other hand

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technology

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affects family communication , with each person from the family sitting in their room and leaving the others alone .

For example

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, the big brothers watch some movies inside his room .

Also

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, the father reads some stories on his phone alone ,and the mother calls her friends most of the time .

As a result

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, as communications decrease each other

this

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will affect our society in the coming times. In conclusion,

technology

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affects human health in various ways .

children

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and families are the most affected by them .In my opinion, I totally agree with the previous reasons.

Submitted by sarah on Tue Nov 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is excellent. However, some areas need more logical connections within and between the paragraphs. Try using more linking words to ensure smooth transition between ideas.

coherence cohesion

You introduced your topic clearly and provided a conclusion summarizing your points, which adds to the coherence of your essay. Be sure to elaborate more on the key points in the conclusion to reinforce them.

task achievement

You successfully addressed the task by highlighting the impacts of technology on children's physical activities and family communication. Consider diving deeper into a specific example to add more depth to your argument.

task achievement

Your ideas are mostly clear and relevant to the question. Nevertheless, try to be more precise with your examples and explanations to strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay and clearly states your position on the topic.

task achievement

You've done a good job of covering both the impact on children and family communications, providing a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

228 words

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As a result of electronic inventions ,people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health . To what extent do you agree or disagree

Your opinion

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.