Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the contemporary era, it has been thought that governments should pay more for experts and professional
workers
Use synonyms
rather than celebrities and influencers. I strongly agree with
this
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view, so
this
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essay will present how
this
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trend can not only encourage them for their academic achievements but
also
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decrease migrations.
To begin
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with, paying more for
workers
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such
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as engineers and doctors will be a good opportunity to support their accomplishments.
This
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is because those people need to
be paid
Wrong verb form
pay
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attention so they can feel that what they do is beneficial and crucial. To illustrate, doctors who are assisted by their governments financially can easily achieve and produce more than those who are not.
In addition
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, numerous professional
workers
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who reckon that they are not appreciated enough in their nation decide to immigrate immediately.
As a result
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, they will start looking for better opportunities in other countries which will appreciate their work and attempts.
In other words
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, the number of experts and professional
workers
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who leave the country will increase, and that will affect it negatively.
Thus
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, governments should think well
to
Change preposition
about
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whom it is giving finances. In conclusion,
while
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paying more for celebrities may be advantageous in certain cases, I strongly believe that paying for professional
workers
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should be prioritized. Not only would it let them feel satisfied with their achievements, but it would
also
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decrease the number of them immigrating
annualy
Correct your spelling
annually
.
Therefore
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, focusing on them is an essential step towards creating a more efficient, modern and developed society.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all main points are fully developed with relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on the reasons for your opinions and provide further examples to create a clearer picture for the reader.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic, demonstrating your stance unequivocally in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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