IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantanges? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #children #age #outweigh #disadvantanges
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There is no doubt that these days a lot of
parents
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 prefer to have
children
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 at a later
age
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 in their lives.
This
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 paper will investigate why
parents
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 choose
this
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 option, and what are the advantages of
this
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 decision. Eventually, I will make a comparison between the advantages and the disadvantages of having
children
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 at a later
age
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,
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apply
show examples
 and will draw my own conclusion. As for the advantages, some people believe that it is positive to wait until they are older to have
children
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. The main reason provided to support
this
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 claim is that
parents
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 seek to be financially secure before having
children
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. to illustrate,
life
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 is becoming increasingly competitive, and
parents
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 want to save enough money to enable them to raise
children
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 in
this
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 competitive world.
In other words
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,
parents
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 want their
children
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 to have all the opportunities in
life
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, and they try to eliminate any chance of depriving their
children
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 of having a better quality of
life
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.
Moreover
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, some people argue that when
parents
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 are older, they are more mature and more experienced in
life
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,
therefore
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, they will be more prepared.to take care of their
children
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. In terms of the disadvantages, when
parents
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 are older, they have less energy and patience for taking care of their
children
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.
Also
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, mothers' bodies become weaker for having babies when they grow older in
age
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. In conclusion, since there are few disadvantages to having babies at a later
age
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, I believe that if
parents
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 don't have the capacity to have
children
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 when they are young, they better wait until all resources are available for them to have babies.
Submitted by salahsadgg1 on

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task achievement
While you have clearly presented the topic and addressed the task, try to further develop your response to enhance the depth of your arguments and provide more detailed examples. This will help in better illustrating your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, you could improve cohesion by using more linking phrases and transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your main points are well supported with specific and relevant examples. This will add credibility to your arguments. Try to avoid generalizations and expand on each point with concrete evidence or personal experience.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enrich your essay. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay. This helps in presenting your argument in a structured manner.
supported main points
You have made relevant points regarding both advantages and disadvantages of having children at a later age. This shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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