IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that particular criminals should
be punish
Change the verb form
be punished
show examples
 with societal jobs that do not pay them rather than putting them behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bars. In my point of view, I totally agree with the statement, as
this
Linking Words
 recommendation will enhance people's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and help the country in terms of both cleanliness and finances. On the one hand, enforcing a beneficial punishment like unpaid
work
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of imprisonment can give individuals the opportunity to contribute to society and teach them the skills needed to help maintain the environment safe.
This
Linking Words
suggestation
Correct your spelling
suggestion
 only
Use synonyms
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 with light cases.
For instance
Linking Words
, when an individual
throw
Correct subject-verb agreement
throws
show examples
 plastic waste
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the beach without thinking of marine
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 and the appearance of the
abeach
Correct your spelling
beach
a beach
, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
 the government can
enforce
Verb problem
force
show examples
 him to
work
Use synonyms
 as a cleaner for a specific period ,
this
Linking Words
 punishment would teach him the importance of the cleaners' jobs in keeping the environment clean,
as well as
Linking Words
 the ways maintain to places properly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 kind of punishment is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less expensive
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the country compared with the costs of a
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
. When people
work
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
 and do not receive
earings
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
, it
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 the number of workers, as
this
Linking Words
 leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 payroll responsibility of the country
while
Linking Words
 continuing the
work
Use synonyms
. whilst, the costs of a
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
 involve providing specific clothes and
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
,
moreover
Linking Words
, the salaries of doctors and guards of the
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
 are often higher than
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
normal
due to
Linking Words
 the danger of the place. In conclusion,
While
Linking Words
 imprisonment has
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 value of making individuals
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 the rules since it imposes a
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 routine on them,
enfourcing
Correct your spelling
ensuring
 useful
work
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a significant role in shaping well-rounded individuals for the community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammatical accuracy
Consider improving grammatical accuracy throughout the essay, though small inaccuracies won't affect the grade substantialy, clarity could be improved.
lexical resource
Enhance vocabulary range and accuracy to increase sophistication of the arguments presented.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the position regarding prisoners performing unpaid community work.
task response
Strong task response with adequate examples provided that illustrate the main arguments well.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized content with logical progression of ideas across paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Constructive
  • Vocational skills
  • Cost-effective
  • Incarceration
  • Financial burden
  • Community cohesion
  • Integration
  • Public safety
  • Exploitation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: